perspective lite

So, I'm at my friend's house with some friends for the Memo. day thing. We've been doing the pig out thing for HOURS, and it's winding down when the power goes out. First, the 4 year old freaked out, which was ok, because I was right there. Then, there's the big "find the flashlight" production. THEN, the ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD wanders out into the street. What the hell, people? It's 9:30 at night. Why is a power outage such a big deal?

So then I drove home. Got here and my automatic motion sensing lights didn't come on. I had flipped the switch and was cursing myself. Go figure...

The sound of silence

I was wondering why no one has been commenting in a while. Nic just asked why I don't allow comments. I do allow comments. I changed some settings, but it doesn't look fixed, so I'm waiting for blogger's help people to take a look.

That explains the silence...

This is cool... ANONYMITY AND NO CONSEQUENCES!!! YER ALL DOOMED!!! DOOOOOOOOOMED!!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!

[I kept looking]
----hmmmm. Perhaps the comment moderation with no email address was the problem.

Hey Nic, I know yer dying to lash out at me, let me know when you get the opportunity. [Ohhhhh, the editing -I- just did...]

New Roommate

I have a new roommate. He's about 2 inches tall, furry, and has a tail and a bad overbite. I think he came to take advantage of my OTHER roommate's willingness to leave food lying around. This irritates me.

My vietnamese little brother and I found ourselves in NoVA today. If you are ever in Sterling, VA, eat at the taste of vietnam restaurant. KICKASS. I used to eat there three times a week.

We went to get noisemakers to evict the new roommate. I would prefer not to have to kill him. If he's still around in two weeks, I am going to kill that fucker and nail a piece of him to every door in the house as a warning...

I have to get a blackberry for work. This is proving to be a PITA.

My parents came to see my house on short notice on Friday. Then they left Saturday morning. This was unusual even for them...

How do I handle THIS fucking mess?

I've made reference to this on other blogs, but now I have nearly the full story so I can talk about it here.

I left my old job and started my new one. The day after leaving, I hung out with my former coworkers (the drinking had started early that day). I may explain some of the drunken craziness, but lets just say there was drunken craziness. Eventually, out of nowhere, one of my former coworkers started coming onto me -- HARD. I mean, introducing herself as my girlfriend, rubbing me, putting her head on my shoulder, etc. Finally she asked me to ask her out [now just to pause and editorialize, we WERE out. What was I going to do, ask her to leave so I could ask her to come back?]. Eventually, we got into another coworker's car to go to another bar, and while we were in the back seat together she put her head in my lap and again asked me to ask her out. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea for a number of reasons.

Now, let's be honest. I had a 100% chance of getting laid. Nic would have been all up in it if she were me. Everyone I know is giving me shit about this. I'm not hideous, but I don't date -- I have a lot of hangups, and I really don't have time for someone else's shit. This girl isn't hideous either, and she's pretty cool -- she likes sports, and doesn't take a lot of shit from people. She's low maintenance. There really isn't a reason not to ask her out, other than the fact that when we break up, I know a lot of the same people as her and historically this has always worked out badly for me because the partner always has better social skills than me, and I end up the bad guy. Frankly, my spider-sense was going off. We're not talking about my last day, we're talking about the day AFTER my last day. She wasn't drunk, but she wasn't stone-cold sober either. The situation was mostly out of control to begin with also. I figured something was missing from my picture there.

We've been emailing since then, pretty much daily. Nothing serious, just short back and forth crap, and she's still been hitting on me a bit. She also stayed at a friend's house nearby for a CLE and I don't even want to KNOW what went on there. A few days ago I got an email that explains a bit: She's been drinking a lot, and acting sort of funny because her father has terminal brain tumors, all conventional treatments have failed, and they're trying an experimental treatment. She has been having to deal with her mother a lot, and she doesn't get along with her mother, but she can't very well avoid her mother while her father is dying.

SOOOOO here we go again. Think about my friend with the dad who died. Think about prospective cancer girl. My roommate who lives with me because of his nasty divorce.
Basically my entire career. I am the rock my friends orbit around.

Now I have to figure out: "How do I handle THIS fucking mess?"

Beware the agendas...

I've lived in my house for more than a year, and my parents had never seen it. Last night they came, more or less unannounced (8 hours notice) to see my house. Independently, without talking to each other (my dad was outside, my mom was inside) their first impressions: "It's a good house for a family." Not known for subtlety, my family. Beware the agendas.

Little Red Tractor

For all of those women who believe men never grow up: You're right. It's true... every word of it.

I just spent two hours reading comic books...

For my birthday my mother got me a gift card to Lowe's so I could get a riding mower. I got a 19 HP, 42 inch deck Troy Bilt with CVT automatic. It's red. Once I got it home, I was putting the bumper and mulcher on, when I remembered a book I had when I was a kid about a little red tractor. I was tremendously entertained, because I now have my very own little red tractor. I then cranked the engine speed and mowed my lawn at full speed. It was fun. The funny part? Cub Cadets are yellow. Husqvarnas are Orange. John Deere's are Green (and yellow). The only ones I seriously looked at were Troy Bilt and Toro. Little RED tractors... I'm living a book from when I was three years old.

I got new tires on my car. Firestone Round Oval performance tires on my WRX. Yay. I was talking to a friend of mine and she asked what I was doing. I explained that I had just gotten new tires, and that this was a bad thing. She asked why and I explained "I am a sociopath, and now it is much easier for me to drive like one..." She said, and I quote, "Sometimes I wish you weren't such a BOY..." This started a flirty argument ("as opposed to WHAT!??!?")...

HULK SMASH!!!!!

My entire life is frustrating right now. I went to my new job. They have scheduled a week of orientation, during which I do no actual work. This frustrates the hell out of me. Then I went to the gym, and I've been out too long and am weak, and THAT frustrated the hell out of me. Then I talked to prospective cancer girl (still needs a new name) and she lectured me to "cool it and get through the orientation." I hate when she lectures me -- particularly when she's fucking right. Then I went to the grocery store, and had to wait in line, which frustrated me. Now, I'm home, and it's a mess, and that frustrates me.

They actually schedule who I go to lunch with and when...

Anyway, tomorrow they're going to tell me there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm going to treat it like a week off. As my roommate is enjoying telling me, for what they're paying me, I should shut the hell up.

I'm used to being perpectually overworked. I just want to do some work... why is that novel?

Chinese Curse Territory

There is a chinese curse that goes: " May you live in interesting times":

So yesterday, my only day off before my new job, I intended to go take some exams for a home-study accounting class I signed up for. I went first to a mailbox I keep for a degree of separation from mail-ordering shit. I got a letter from the Red Cross. Several weeks ago I gave blood. When you give blood they test it. Turns out I got an initial positive on a test for HTLV, and then an inconclusive negative for the same thing. SOOOOOOO, I may have a blood-borne disease related to adult T-Cell leukemia -- before they know what HIV/AIDS was, they thought THIS was what HIV/AIDS was. Their letter says I may want to have a health professional check me, but I probably don't have it -- they didn't do the secondary screening. Thank them for all that concern.

After the obligatory calls to friends and immediate family, including prospective cancer girl -- you can imagine (that may be a later topic -- I was like "just in case you thought you outdid me..."), I went to take my exams. Only got to one of the two I wanted to because I felt it would be best to study for a while. I either nailed it or failed it, I'm not sure which.

Then I decided to hang out with my former colleagues. For some reason the libations began at 4 PM. With shots of vodka. Repeatedly. I stuck with my coffee and water for those first few rounds. As people kept filtering in we had people of varying degrees of intoxication egging each other on. This was mildly entertaining, particularly given a crowd that included roughly 5 prosecutors in their jurisdiction (In VA prosecutors get a badge, concealed carry rights, and arrest authority), defense attorneys, public defenders, probation officers, and finally jail and sheriff's officers. I was getting hit on by one of my former co-workers who wasn't quite drunk, but more inebriated than I want to be too nice to. At one point one REALLY drunk guy started hitting on the waitress ("You know I'm hotter than your boyfriend..."), and then he and a lesbian started making out -- on a 10 dollar bet -- to try to make her lesbian girlfriend jealous. Then the really drunk guy, who kept drinking, BTW, went to drive home. I though he was kidding, but chased him anyway. I got there about the point he was in gear, backing out, and opened the car door. He insited he could make it to the highway, to which I responded "That's where the REAL problems start." So I took his keys at about the point where a senior prosecutor walked up and strongly indicated he should turn the car off. I walked away with the keys.

So now really drunk guy wants his keys back, which I am not giving him. Finally I told him he could have them, but would have to fight me for them. He started unloading his pockets, so I started unloading my pockets. At about this time people (including some of the drunk ones, amusingly) reminded him who he was about to start a fight with, and talked him out of it. Finally one of the prosecutors, a former public defender, drove this guy home.

People wanted to move the party to another bar. I felt the need to chaperone, so I found myself in the back seat of a packed car... with the woman who'd been hitting on me all night. On the way to the other bar I found myself with her head in my lap asking me to ask me out. This was odd. So I reminded her of my "don't eat where you shit" rule, and was told I don't eat there anymore. I explained that I am still around, and that I have a lot of friends who work there still, blah blah. Thankfully we got to the new bar about then.

The new bar was FUUUUULLLL of corrections officers. Go figure. Me chaperoning a table full of stumbling drunks around a room full of cops. Joy. At one table was a group of jail officers, who I am notoriously hard on, so I got them a round. Several of them came over to apologize for calling one of ours a bitch because she bitched at them, and explained that I was a total asshole, which made her better by comparison. They asked when I was leaving, and I explained I had already left. They were visibly sorry to see me leaving (I explain to my clients the rough way why they need to not start shit with corrections officers). I thought that was pretty funny, particularly given the "asshole" part.

Eventually the deputy in my office sobered up and we walked back to our cars. In the rain.

I need a day off from my day off...

Whatever doesn't kill me...

... just hasn't finished with me yet.

Today was a challenging day. I'll get into it later, but -I- may have cancer (sound familiar?) -- or at least something that causes it, took an accounting exam, ended up with a former co-worker's head in my lap shortly after nearly having to fight a defense attorney to keep him from using his keys to drive drunk (in front of four prosecutors -- who, BTW, have arrest authority). Then I had a gaggle of corrections officers call me an "asshole."

Immediate need: sleep. The rest will resolve itself.

Busted...

Wife of my friend whose father died sent me an email asking what the fuck was up with me not calling him (not in those words). I DID TRY to call him, but didn't leave a message -- several times. What kind of A-hole leaves a message... "Gee, dude, sorry your dad died. Thought I'd send you a 15 second voicemail..."

Never had a parent die. Or a sibling. Just grandparents and pets. Not sure what to say, but I better figure it out FAST...

Sooooooo... Now I'm writing a several page eulogy-type email. And it's making me cry. And I'm not all that sensitive a guy, either.

My old friend insomnia

Well, this was an interesting week. As aforenoted, a friend's father died last... Friday, I believe. I got my geek on on Saturday, then lifted and drove all over creation with a friend who I hadn't spoken with in years -- I'll get to that story in a minute. On Monday I had to go to the new firm where I met with the marketing people, filled out some paperwork, went to a local bar lunch, got my office, and was told what I'll be doing -- in a minute, wait. Tuesday, Court. Wednesday, jury trial. Thursday, court. Friday, court. Today I was a carpenter-- helping a friend with a job on a "spec house" that had to be done ASAP.

Ok, friend. When I was in high school I was the "crown prince of dorks and losers." I had the brain to be a prep, the talent and body to be a jock, the soul to be an artfag, the chops to be a bandgeek, but the disposition of a freak. I chose freak. So this left me hanging out with an assorted croud of malcontents, misfits, semi-stoners, granolas, dropouts, losers and fuckups. After high school I did the college thing (actually, I left a year early and did college fast, so I got ahead of a lot of people). In law school one of my friends from college had his family disintegrate. His mother died of cancer, two of his sisters took jobs out of the country. One of his sisters went to the West with her husband. His youngest sister was more or less adopted by another family, and his father went home to Vietnam. He had nowhere to go, so I invited him to live in my apt's extra bedroom. He's a sort of quiet guy, keeps to himself, lifts weights a lot, takes sci fi and comic books seriously. He paid a little rent, kept two jobs, did his own thing. I sort of adopted him as a little brother. After school I had to move away, so he went to live with another friend of ours. We still hung out, but I lived pretty far away. I co-signed a car loan for him because he had no credit (this matters later). After a number of job and address changes I moved back nearby, and we hung out again. One day, out of the blue, he told me I was a narcissist and he was never going to speak to me again. I wrote back that I was a bit preoccupied by some things that were going on, but that no one could call someone who helps out as many people as I do, as often, in as many different ways a "narcissist" (particularly not a guy who lived in my home because he had nowhere else to go). That was about 2 years ago. A few weeks ago I got a notice that my license would be suspended because he had not paid taxes on the car that I co-signed on. I wrote an email telling him to take care of it. He emailed back to find out what was going on. Last weekend he want to hang out, and we just randomly drove. this weekend I helped him finish some carpentry work for his job (I can do almost anything, have I mentioned that?). I confronted him about the narcissim thing, which was pretty unpleasant. In my circle, we rarely apologize. Instead, of taking away by unsaying things, we just sort of say more things. I got a lecture about "having truth" in you, and about how I have "honor" and "don't back down." This guy talks like a self-help book, BTW.

So now I am basically back where I was in 3rd year law school. My best law school friend is now my roommate. I am talking to prospective cancer girl again for the first time in 5 years (she needs a new name... I'll get around to it). My adopted little brother is around. I live in the middle of nowhere. All I need is to start dating sweet&dumb again (as bad an idea as that may be, it may also be a good idea -- perhaps a substitute will suffice), lift a lot of weights, and pick fights with semi-pro hockey players and I may have to start checking the calendar to figure out what year it is...

Re: not posting

I have not been posting in more than a week. Asked why, the answer is simple:

Cowardice.

A friend of mine's father died last week. This is a pretty good friend, who has helped me a lot, several times. I haven't ever had a parent die. I don't really know what to say. His father died unexpectedly. I was invited to the funeral but couldn't go. I was invited to the wake but couldn't go. I tried to call, but didn't get through.

This person is one of maybe 4 people on earth who know about this blog and my alias. SOOOOOO, if I post, and he checks, he... completely irrational, I know. He's got bigger things to worry about. I know.

I had intended to write an email, because I write pretty well. I procrastinated, and now my late email will be obviously late. So now I'm all fucking sorts of stuck. I don't know what to say, and even if I did, I would be saying it late, and I'm scared to say the wrong thing on time, much less late. So that's why I haven't been around.

That and working too much.