Chinese Curse Territory
There is a chinese curse that goes: " May you live in interesting times":
So yesterday, my only day off before my new job, I intended to go take some exams for a home-study accounting class I signed up for. I went first to a mailbox I keep for a degree of separation from mail-ordering shit. I got a letter from the Red Cross. Several weeks ago I gave blood. When you give blood they test it. Turns out I got an initial positive on a test for HTLV, and then an inconclusive negative for the same thing. SOOOOOOO, I may have a blood-borne disease related to adult T-Cell leukemia -- before they know what HIV/AIDS was, they thought THIS was what HIV/AIDS was. Their letter says I may want to have a health professional check me, but I probably don't have it -- they didn't do the secondary screening. Thank them for all that concern.
After the obligatory calls to friends and immediate family, including prospective cancer girl -- you can imagine (that may be a later topic -- I was like "just in case you thought you outdid me..."), I went to take my exams. Only got to one of the two I wanted to because I felt it would be best to study for a while. I either nailed it or failed it, I'm not sure which.
Then I decided to hang out with my former colleagues. For some reason the libations began at 4 PM. With shots of vodka. Repeatedly. I stuck with my coffee and water for those first few rounds. As people kept filtering in we had people of varying degrees of intoxication egging each other on. This was mildly entertaining, particularly given a crowd that included roughly 5 prosecutors in their jurisdiction (In VA prosecutors get a badge, concealed carry rights, and arrest authority), defense attorneys, public defenders, probation officers, and finally jail and sheriff's officers. I was getting hit on by one of my former co-workers who wasn't quite drunk, but more inebriated than I want to be too nice to. At one point one REALLY drunk guy started hitting on the waitress ("You know I'm hotter than your boyfriend..."), and then he and a lesbian started making out -- on a 10 dollar bet -- to try to make her lesbian girlfriend jealous. Then the really drunk guy, who kept drinking, BTW, went to drive home. I though he was kidding, but chased him anyway. I got there about the point he was in gear, backing out, and opened the car door. He insited he could make it to the highway, to which I responded "That's where the REAL problems start." So I took his keys at about the point where a senior prosecutor walked up and strongly indicated he should turn the car off. I walked away with the keys.
So now really drunk guy wants his keys back, which I am not giving him. Finally I told him he could have them, but would have to fight me for them. He started unloading his pockets, so I started unloading my pockets. At about this time people (including some of the drunk ones, amusingly) reminded him who he was about to start a fight with, and talked him out of it. Finally one of the prosecutors, a former public defender, drove this guy home.
People wanted to move the party to another bar. I felt the need to chaperone, so I found myself in the back seat of a packed car... with the woman who'd been hitting on me all night. On the way to the other bar I found myself with her head in my lap asking me to ask me out. This was odd. So I reminded her of my "don't eat where you shit" rule, and was told I don't eat there anymore. I explained that I am still around, and that I have a lot of friends who work there still, blah blah. Thankfully we got to the new bar about then.
The new bar was FUUUUULLLL of corrections officers. Go figure. Me chaperoning a table full of stumbling drunks around a room full of cops. Joy. At one table was a group of jail officers, who I am notoriously hard on, so I got them a round. Several of them came over to apologize for calling one of ours a bitch because she bitched at them, and explained that I was a total asshole, which made her better by comparison. They asked when I was leaving, and I explained I had already left. They were visibly sorry to see me leaving (I explain to my clients the rough way why they need to not start shit with corrections officers). I thought that was pretty funny, particularly given the "asshole" part.
Eventually the deputy in my office sobered up and we walked back to our cars. In the rain.
I need a day off from my day off...
So yesterday, my only day off before my new job, I intended to go take some exams for a home-study accounting class I signed up for. I went first to a mailbox I keep for a degree of separation from mail-ordering shit. I got a letter from the Red Cross. Several weeks ago I gave blood. When you give blood they test it. Turns out I got an initial positive on a test for HTLV, and then an inconclusive negative for the same thing. SOOOOOOO, I may have a blood-borne disease related to adult T-Cell leukemia -- before they know what HIV/AIDS was, they thought THIS was what HIV/AIDS was. Their letter says I may want to have a health professional check me, but I probably don't have it -- they didn't do the secondary screening. Thank them for all that concern.
After the obligatory calls to friends and immediate family, including prospective cancer girl -- you can imagine (that may be a later topic -- I was like "just in case you thought you outdid me..."), I went to take my exams. Only got to one of the two I wanted to because I felt it would be best to study for a while. I either nailed it or failed it, I'm not sure which.
Then I decided to hang out with my former colleagues. For some reason the libations began at 4 PM. With shots of vodka. Repeatedly. I stuck with my coffee and water for those first few rounds. As people kept filtering in we had people of varying degrees of intoxication egging each other on. This was mildly entertaining, particularly given a crowd that included roughly 5 prosecutors in their jurisdiction (In VA prosecutors get a badge, concealed carry rights, and arrest authority), defense attorneys, public defenders, probation officers, and finally jail and sheriff's officers. I was getting hit on by one of my former co-workers who wasn't quite drunk, but more inebriated than I want to be too nice to. At one point one REALLY drunk guy started hitting on the waitress ("You know I'm hotter than your boyfriend..."), and then he and a lesbian started making out -- on a 10 dollar bet -- to try to make her lesbian girlfriend jealous. Then the really drunk guy, who kept drinking, BTW, went to drive home. I though he was kidding, but chased him anyway. I got there about the point he was in gear, backing out, and opened the car door. He insited he could make it to the highway, to which I responded "That's where the REAL problems start." So I took his keys at about the point where a senior prosecutor walked up and strongly indicated he should turn the car off. I walked away with the keys.
So now really drunk guy wants his keys back, which I am not giving him. Finally I told him he could have them, but would have to fight me for them. He started unloading his pockets, so I started unloading my pockets. At about this time people (including some of the drunk ones, amusingly) reminded him who he was about to start a fight with, and talked him out of it. Finally one of the prosecutors, a former public defender, drove this guy home.
People wanted to move the party to another bar. I felt the need to chaperone, so I found myself in the back seat of a packed car... with the woman who'd been hitting on me all night. On the way to the other bar I found myself with her head in my lap asking me to ask me out. This was odd. So I reminded her of my "don't eat where you shit" rule, and was told I don't eat there anymore. I explained that I am still around, and that I have a lot of friends who work there still, blah blah. Thankfully we got to the new bar about then.
The new bar was FUUUUULLLL of corrections officers. Go figure. Me chaperoning a table full of stumbling drunks around a room full of cops. Joy. At one table was a group of jail officers, who I am notoriously hard on, so I got them a round. Several of them came over to apologize for calling one of ours a bitch because she bitched at them, and explained that I was a total asshole, which made her better by comparison. They asked when I was leaving, and I explained I had already left. They were visibly sorry to see me leaving (I explain to my clients the rough way why they need to not start shit with corrections officers). I thought that was pretty funny, particularly given the "asshole" part.
Eventually the deputy in my office sobered up and we walked back to our cars. In the rain.
I need a day off from my day off...
posted by Galactichero at
5:57 AM
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