... making an omelette

Galacticcyborg

2008-04-28T18:34:00.000-07:00

This is what it looks like 19 days after they rebuild your rotator cuff. Doesn't look as bad as I expected, actually. Hurts like a fucking bitch...

It got complicated - went from 4-6 mos of rehab to 6-12 mos of rehab. They had to reattach two tendons, suture the rotator cuff, fix the labrum cartilage, carve off a bone spur, and "decompress" the AC joint, which means carving a chunk off my clavicle. Fuuuuucked up shit.

I already have almost full range of motion - in the directions I'm allowed to move. It sucks. I drive a standard transmission car... with one hand. I can't lift. Or run. Or lift anything "heavier than a coffee cup." It hurts all the time. I have to ice it for 5 hours as I try to go to sleep. Have to sleep on my back. Have to do rehab exercises twice a day. They hurt. Wah.

I'll be back.

There Youri. A blog post.

R.I.P. Lance Hahn

2007-10-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to everyone who doesn't know about the brilliant, prolific,
and frankly, decent guy of a musician we just lost.  Condolences to his partner,
his family, his friends, and the scene.  I met him a few times, and I used to irritate
him by yelling for him to play old songs each time I saw J-Church play.  He would
yell back: "We have a NEW album, with NEW music." I'm not sure they could
remember how to play the old stuff - they wrote SOOOOO much. 

Here's to old music.


There's no use in pointing at the sky.
There's no use because we're all going to die.
There's no use in telling me because I won't live down on my knees.
There's no use believing lies.
Why are you so condescending?
Why go through life just pretending?
Why base your choices all on fate?
I won't wait, won't hesitate.
I don't think that it's even worth mentioning.
Won't tell you what to think.
Won't tell you what to do.
Won't tell you what to believe.
I don't know what you want.
Don't know what you'll get.
Don't know what you'll see.
I believe in this.
I believe in that.
I believe a lot of things.
I guess it's inside.
I wouldn't call it pride.
I don't know what
tomorrow brings.
I don't believe in God above or the devil below.
I don't believe I'll need some proof before I go.
I don't believe that sin is how, that time is now.
I don't believe in any of your sacred cows.
Sometimes I can't find the strength inside.
Sometimes I just want to hide.
Sometimes I need it to survive.
Sometimes it's all a petty lie.

"Blasphemous"
Cringer
Greatest Hits: Volume 1

http://gilman.duckpond.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=277
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/46561-j-churchs-lance-hahn-rip

Bad parenting... you can't take it back.

2007-07-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

I have a friend with two little kids. One is 2.5, the other is 5.5. I lived with this family for 2 years. I'm sort of the third parent in with these kids. The elder is in that rambunctious 5 y/o stage, and he runs around and yells, and hits, and throws things, and doesn't listen - all things you can expect from that age. I'm usually extremely patient with children and animals, but this kid and I have a running disconnect regarding guns, violence, and not listening... he doesn't listen, to anyone, his parents allow him to watch war movies (think, band of brothers as a bedtime story), and he hits people - me, his dad, his brother, his mother, his friends. I don't like guns, and I believe that, while violence can be then answer, the resort to it creates other questions. I don't like not listening because, unlike his parents, I don't warn unless the risk is clear and significant - he can hurt himself to learn, but he can't be allowed to permanently screw himself over.

Today I lost my patience with this kid for the first time ever. He had been hitting me periodically all day, each time being told not to hit. I was filling a bottle with water at the refrigerator, and he ran up and hit me on the arms. I dropped the full bottle, and yelled something to the effect of "[insert name here] you stupid...!" I caught myself, then yelled at him for hitting, then started to clean things up. I immediately felt bad. He felt bad, at least after his parents yelled at him, and he apologized. I told him that sorry doesn't help all the time, and he needs to be careful because he is big enough to do damage now. So he apologized and I apologized.

I still feel bad. Don't lose your patience with kids. You can't take it back.

Slaaaammmed

2007-07-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

Ever had so much work to do you actually had to figure out which things you could fix not getting done on time so you could put them to the back of the list? I'm there.

Somewhere along the line I became my firm's "appellate guy," which means not only am I getting tasked with all the brief writing, I am now getting tagged to do oral argument, I am asked to do the research to set a hearing/trial issue up for appeal, and I am asked to do trial briefs and memos. This on top of the cases I'm actually working on. I just got handed a case that goes to oral argument in a few months, and the person who wrote our brief sort of missed the point of the case. When an appellate court grants an oral argument or considers an appeal that isn't as a matter of right, it's because the court wants to make some law. In this case, I think I've figured out what law they want to make. The problem is, it's not a point made in our brief. D'OH!! This means oral argument is going to be a lot like playing dodgeball with cannonballs against ogres.

What I do nowadays involves a lot of independent medical examinations and record reviews. To do this we have to go through all the records and make a summary (yay paralegals) which I rarely have to do (yay paralegals), but I have to go through. Then I have to write a long cover letter to the doctor that points out basic medical background and history, which means I have to read through bajillions of medical records. Eventually the Dr. has to look at the records and/or the patient, usually both with us, and that's when the fun starts.

This is why I'm up ass-early on a saturday. I've been working for hours. This sort of sucks, but is also sort of fun.

Still the Galactichero

2007-07-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

Neither "galactic" nor "hero" is species specific. In fact, "galactic" sort of implies inclusiveness - all things in the galaxy. Otherwise, it would be a pretty elitist life I would have to lead.

As a rule, I don't kill things that don't immediately threaten me or others. I take spiders and beetles outside. I teach 5 year olds that most creatures want the same things he wants: to eat, and sleep, and have a place to poop, and be safe, and have fun (it's hard to explain reproduction to a 5 y/o without getting a felony conviction around here). I personally believe that understanding one's place in that whole play is the secret to enlightenment. Not just being able to enunciate it, but "understanding it," on an innate, preconscious level, where it's not a concern, because you know your place in things, and you get to eat, and sleep, and have a place to poop, and be safe, and have fun without contrivance.

I once again had a houseguest.
I was doing my blog-thing and he ran by. I set up my livetraps, but he was in my bathroom, so I tracked him down. We had an energetic game of catch. I won. I snapped few pictures, and brought him to a big field about 4 miles up the road.

The best part of not killing things is releasing them. He sort of sat there thinking... "THIS is not what I expected." Then he took stock of where he was, took a few steps, and took off. He gets a nice new place to live, and I get one more piece of the puzzle to explain my place in things.

Eat, sleep, and poop away, all.

315

2007-07-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

4 reps, then 3 reps. Approaching my all-time max. I think I'll stay here until I'm consistently starting on 6 reps. My weak-ass biceps are the limiter now...

I'm about to pick a fight with PCG over Sgt. retrovirus. Not happy about it, but I won't be happy with the post std transfer break-up call either. It has to be done. I imagine we won't be talking again for a very long time...

Breakfast at my parents' house...

2007-07-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

So... went to my parents house. This morning my mom made whole-grain pancakes with soy milk (if you're ever constipated, I got a suggestion...). One meal, three people, four languages. I kid you not. We had English, we had French, we had Hebrew, we had, at one point, my dad singing Italian opera. Pancakes = opera? I kid you not. My family is abnormal.

It's been a rough week for me. I'd have to fill in on recent events for this to make total sense, but the short part is that PCG informed me at one point that she got back together with the boyfriend she dumped because he failed to mention he had what we'll call a "loathsome social disease" in the common-law sense until AFTER they'd had sex several times. Am I missing something here? How does one cure THAT omission? Anyway, she's happy... which is an unmentionably rare event. I'm ambivalent. I behaved myself and avoided pointing out that he STILL HAS A FUCKING STD that he FAILED TO MENTION!!! She's talking about moving in with the guy (that's a loooong fucking move) and having kids and crap. I counseled she might want to slow down a bit. I question my own impartiality.

AT, who I may never have mentioned, called me. She just likes to whine a lot. I don't mind much, but it's usually simple crap that I would either overlook or resolve in 25 seconds and move on. She'll call me every day for a week, and then suddenly nothing for a month. It's a good thing I like her, or I'd lambast her.

Putting in another floor. Never do home-improvement when you're angry... There's one board that was misshapen, and I didn't notice it until I got two rows past. There's a damn gap. Not huge, but it's about 6 inches long and 1/8 inch wide. Pisses me off. Eh. Adds character (?).

Where is everybody? Nic hates me, which is alternately saddening, infuriating, and frustrating (she ignores my comments on her new blog, which is really immature). I'm single-handedly the reason she enabled comment moderation... Caro isn't around, PB is AWOL, tirelaw prefers to pick on me in person, his wife is a lurker, and the rest of my pals just evaporated. May be time to go surfing blogger again.

Somebody entertain me already.

305... again

2007-07-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

So, for my meathead post of the week... or month... whatever:

Benched 305 again today. 2 sets. 6 on the first with a spot on the last, 5 on the second with a push on 4 and spot on 5. Then I growl a lot. Coming back has been slow, particularly with the hard landing several months ago.

I'm behind. My former lifting partner is at 355, down from 395. Those are biiiiig numbers...

I'm up to running 3.5 miles at 7 mph. That's pretty good for me, actually.

Losing weight though. This is not good. Need to fix my diet.

This just in...

2007-07-07T16:32:00.001-07:00

If you eat a hard boiled egg without eating the yolk, it's sort of like taking a prenatal chicken's lunchmoney...

On a morbid note, it's sort of like killing a kid, and taking all of his projected lunch money for the rest of his life.

This thought made me laugh like a lunatic at the salad bar in a supermarket today.

You needed to know.

:-D

2007-06-23T20:54:00.001-07:00

I've been in a ridiculous good mood for the last few weeks. I must have something wrong with me. Imagine Batman in a good mood...

I really have to break some posts out a bit, but work is good and they love me there, PCG has been... weird, but talking to me, I helped some friends move in Baltimore (heh, heh), started more flooring projects, blew up my tractor (not really, but it's being fixed), ... been sort of busy, but mundane busy.

I'll do the detailed versions later. I'm not dead though.

Galactichero, MD, JD?

2007-06-01T18:40:00.000-07:00

So, here's something fascinating:

About a week ago my uncle, the surgeon, got into a horseback riding accident. Actually, if you attribute motive to the horse, it was attempted murder. To make long short, a half-ton of horse rolled a western saddle over my uncle's abdomen, resulting in several broken ribs, 2 days on a respirator, 3 feet of removed intestine, and probably early retirement.

That, coupled with the "retirement" of my aunt (we should all date/marry so richly), and the impending retirement of my parents (how does "retiring" to third world war-torn countries to start medical schools constitute "retirement," exactly?) means that, as of about August, for the first time in 3 generations, no member of my family will be practicing medicine in the US. Some families are bakers, some are watchmakers, we're doctors. Except my generation, which has a bunch of computer programmers, some business sharks, at least two total losers, some attorneys, a mongrel, and whatever you would call my more normal cousins- not many of those.

Now, my parents have been sort of nudging me to go to med school since I was... 6... or so, and lately it's been less subtle. My older sister is a little too granola to do it, and my younger sister doesn't have the "intellect for the sake of intellect" mindset that the rest of us have. Lately my mother has been pushing me to consider an accelerated pre-med program (or ... 7). Ignore that I will have almost (arguably more than) 10 years as an attorney at the earliest time I get started in any such program. She said if I get into [med school x], they'll pay for it. That would be pretty fucking cool. I think I'm going to apply for a few (no more than 2) of the more elite accelerated pre-med programs, and if I get in, I will have some seeeerious choices to make. If not, law-ward ho. On the one hand, yay!! School!!! On the other... School? The cool thing is, if I start next time around, I will be exactly twice as old as when I started college the first time. How crazy/cosmic is that?

I used to have a friend in boarding school (prison) who used to joke with me about collecting degrees. We would rattle off every title we could thing of - Sir, Dr. Mr. Master [name] MD, JD, PhD, PsyD, BS, BA, MBA etc. Adding to my collection... Mr. Galactichero, MD, JD, Esquire.

traffic is amusing

2007-05-31T19:21:00.001-07:00

Ever look at the sitemeter stuff for various sites? I tend to tool around just to see... things (Hey, I'm a 31 year old with an IQ you can't count to who deifies The Batman, one of whose titles is "The World's Greatest Detective... c'mon, of course I look at that sort of thing...). For instance, Nic, sorry, "Phoenix", may have a stalker in the Count (vun.... ah ah ah two.... ah ah ah... ). But I digress- I actually get traffic from people looking to find out how to make an omelette. I'm not kidding. How rude a discovery must THAT be?!??!?

I also get random people from, like, Ireland. And random places in the Midwest and CA. But they never have anything to say. Odd...

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON??? That's a lot of checking my blog without commenting...

IP Address

76.1.144.# (Unknown Organization)

ISP

Unknown ISP

Location

Continent	:	North America
Country	:	United States (Facts)
Lat/Long	:	38, -97 (Map)

Language

English (United States)

[Brief Chest-Thumping Interlude]

2007-05-31T19:07:00.001-07:00

So, I can call the shoulder fully healed...

Tonight I went to the gym to run my 3.13 miles, and since the machines were taken, I did a little benching. No time to warm up, not sure how many sets I'd get it, I started with my working weight, 225 lbs. This just happens to be the NFL combine bench-press weight.

Now, as an aside, if you're in the gym and you see someone working out and they're struggling without a spot, you step up and spot. You don't ask, you don't talk to them, you just step up and do it. I don't even take out my headphones. So I did that for the guy on the bench next to me, who did 3 reps at 265, and probably was very impressed with himself. Presumably as payback, he stepped behind the bench when I posted the 225. He stepped away at rep 8. I pressed out 16.

That's pretty good. 16 reps at 225? Yeah, pretty good for a 31 y/o attorney.

So, feeling good about myself, I did 3 more sets because the machine was still taken. Then I dropped to 185 and did burn outs. Bring the bar down slow and throw it up as fast as you can. With 185 lbs.

So, as I said, the shoulder is fine...

I'm not really this much of a meathead, but it's the only thing anyone might find fascinating in my life at this point.

You think YOU'VE got it rough?

2007-05-02T17:09:00.000-07:00

In case I didn't mention it, and I didn't, PCG and I have been talking again sporadically (yeah, we're both pushovers). Her mom had some big news that required PCG and her brother to get together to meet her. To recap, she's had major clinical depression, an STD scare, a cancer scare, and two boyfriend break-ups that I know of in the last year. At 6:40 am western time I got a call, which meant it was going to be a big one. Last night she found out that her father, who died 15 years ago, wasn't her father. And her brother might not be her brother. And the records about who is her father were destroyed 7 years ago, the Dr. who did the artificial insemination is dead, and her mother destroyed all the records she had. Oh, and that means all the medical history she gave for her experimental lupus treatments is inaccurate, so they may boot her out. And her brain is rotting even being part of the experiment (which is morbidly cool, because not only can I piss her off and she forgets why she's pissed, but also I can tell her the same story over and over and be really interesting). Now THAT'S what I call a BAD DAY!!

Sleep is for loooooosers.

2007-04-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

Holy crap... there are some disturbed people out there...
http://bakerttexts.blogspot.com/
http://peawee2.blogspot.com/

Why do more women have blogs than men, or at least, more women's blogs come up when you randomly skim them...? What is wrong with women who have blogs? Kuh-ray-zee.

http://eponymouspickle.blogspot.com/2007/04/snipers-shills-and-sharks.html
--cooool...
http://tystblog.blogspot.com/
-- WTF? Is this written by the kid's parents, or do they really set the kid loose on the computer?
http://1phenomenalwoman.blogspot.com/
--ugh... it would be soooo much fun to be a jackass to these people. Editing... editing...
http://onenightstands.blogspot.com/
--reads like english as a 48th language...
http://maruthecrankpot.blogspot.com/
--yaaaaaay crackpot!!

I'm having full-blown insomnia.
Are people still mad at me?

I owe you people some dinosaur pictures from my trip to the Smithsonian last weekend... Maybe later.

Soooo... here's a strange nightmare.

2007-04-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

I had a nightmare that kept me up all night. This is an odd one.

I guess I had my ceiling fan on, and the blowing wind caused me to think about skydiving (which I have done). For some reason I was playing with my friend's kids on a skydiving plane. To make a long story short, the 2 y/o ran over to the opening and fell out. He didn't have a chute. Neither did I. I went out after him. That's the part where I woke up. Wierd.

I caused an internet suicide

2007-04-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

soooooo... I caused an internet suicide. Actually, it was accidental. See, Nic, who used to frequent my blog, put up a post about how a guy she had been talking to told her he basically got an STD from a woman he had slept with before they made out. She said something about not being able to believe it, so I cracked some jokes, thinking she was just sort of incredulous.

This was a serious oops on my part, apparently. I imagine, in retrospect, that she was sort of in an uncomfortable place, getting ready to come back to the states after med school, and having just found out that a guy she was getting close with is a man-whore, and a friend has a brother with cancer, and that sort of thing. So she signed off her blog (and killed the post about the guy with the STD, which makes me look really bad because no one can figure out why her next to last post is titled "galactichero" and starts "I hate you." She must have been really, really pissed, because she also killed her related myspace account, where she had amassed quite a few creepy friends.

In any event, RIP Khoshkell. Good luck as a resident.
http://findnic.blogspot.com/

Jig-a-loo

2007-04-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

I shit you not, there is a product called "jig-a-loo." Apparently, it's a lubricant, waterproofer, and rust preventer. Apparently it's been around since 1958. I saw it for the first time during the daily show. I was convinced it was a joke. It's not a joke. That makes it an even funnier joke.

Slow progress IS progress...

2007-03-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Soooooo... we started laying the bamboo... finally. My flooring nailer doesn't seat as well as I'd expected because the planks are 5/8" rather than 3/4" or 3/8", which are the standards... I'm gonna rig something, I think. We just used a finishing nailer at an angle on the tongue, every 6 inches or so, with 1 1/2" nails. I'll probably move up to 2" nails before we get too far in. We had to stop because power miter saws running at 9:30 in a neighborhood with kids on a school night, even when the houses are 100 yards apart, is not a good plan. Still...
It looks really cool. I'm a fan.

My life as a construction worker, Part Deux

2007-03-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

Unemployment is not agreeing with me. Noticing this, my Vietnamese little brother asked me to help him on a couple of his jobs on Thursday and Friday of last week. See, he's sort of a carpenter, and he gets sent around to build shelves, cabinets, entertainment centers, put up moldings in rooms, etc. No pay, but it got me out of the house.

I'll post some pictures later.

Manual labor is highly therapeutic. I think the need to see the results of our labor is hardwired into us because we used to be hunter-gatherers. Between the two of us we did 5 days of work in less than 2 days. We built two cabinets (pictures to follow), put up crown molding in a walk-in closet (there's a story there), and drove to BFE to install some shelves (picture and story there).

Despite the therapy of seeing the fruits of my labor, doing the manual labor thing also helps me focus on getting my shit back together. Which is good, because I have a second interview next week. Yaaaaay.

Bought a bunch of new tools, including a cool flooring nailer, which I'll post some pictures of. Floor is moving along slowly, but the new tools should change that. Need 48 hours for the construction adhesive to dry on the Luaun, which we should finish tacking in tomorrow. I'll post some pictures so Nic can humor me with feigned interest, and tirelaw can feel guilty for not helping.

The movie killzone REALLY, REALLY sucks, btw.

That time of year again...

2007-03-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

Almost makes unemployment bearable. I really like my camera. I'm amazed at what I can get out of it with minimal effort.

First buds:
CherryPear

A pair of cardinals have taken up in my front yard. They're very good at hiding from the camera. The male is bright red, and the female is a bit more drab. She's a bit slower, so I was able to catch her on high digital zoom. Look at this:

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Galactichero jumps out.

2007-03-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

Always good for ending a bad mood, everyone... EEEEEVVVVVERRRRYYYYYONE needs some Chuck Norris Facts. And then mooooooooorrrrre Chuck Norris Facts.

Smooth move, ex-lax

2007-03-15T16:56:00.001-07:00

Mr. Beebe is a recovering alcoholic. Soon, he will be a recovering prison-bitch.
How is this going to work out?

"How'd they get you in here?"
"Well, as a part of my alcoholism 12 step program I apologized to the woman I raped more than 20 years ago, so they convicted me of rape and I got 18 months."
"Bend over, bitch."

Justice, a dish served well both cold AND hot...

Asteroids... the game.

2007-03-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

This blog has a swf of the old game asteroids. Fighting addiction.

In the "no fucking shit" department...

2007-03-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm... shoes... with wheels... in a WEIGHTROOM. That qualifies as child abuse in my book... Some kid slams into me while I'm lifting, and he lives just long enough to point out whoever brought him to the gym with wheels on his feet...

RIP Steve Rogers

2007-03-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Captain America was assassinated?

What is the world coming to?

Actually, it has to do with the Civil War storyline, where the government wanted to force all the superheroes to work for it and reveal their names. Spider-man publicly announced his identity...

Comics mirror life.

EDIT 3/15/07
Steven Colbert dealt with this issue on the Colbert Report. It's actually a pretty good discussion of the subject.
As Colbert says, pick a side, Wolverine.

Galactichero vs. the poison ivy monster...

2007-03-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

Last year I had a nasty run-in with some poison ivy in my front yard. There's this pear tree, and next to it is this huge pine that has so much poison ivy on it that it looks like it's deciduous in the summer. I didn't recognize the huge furry vines as poison ivy until I literally ended up in the hospital.

A few weeks ago I took a hack-saw, put on rubber gloves and a hat, taped my sleeves and ankles, and cut at least 12 inches off of each huge-ass vine. It was pretty funny, because I ended up stripping to my underwear and hosing off to make sure I had no poison ivy on me. It was 38 degrees. I use well-water. It was cold. My neighbors think I'm crazy.

Here is a picture after I cut one of the vines. That is my fist, directly below the vine. I have pretty big fists (particularly in the width - get your mind out of the gutter Nic), and that vine is almost TWICE the diameter of my fist. How crazy is that?
See all those branches? Those aren't branches. They're poison ivy. I'm going to find out if the dendrites on the vines can keep all that vine alive, or if my hack-job kills it. I hope it kills it. I used to be immune. Now I can tell you that poison ivy suuuuucks.

My life as a construction worker...

2007-03-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

This is what a room looks like after you strip the moldings and the carpet, and pull up all the carpet tacks, sweep, and vacuum.

This is what 210+ square feet of bamboo strip flooring looks like, while it's airing out.

You needed to know.

305

2007-03-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

Today I benched 305. Cleaned it once, got (literally) a 1 finger tap at the bevel point on 2, and my spot did an upright row on 3 [ :-) ] -- but I did the negative. 3 seemed to be the number for me today... 3 at 305, 3 at 295 (twice), 3 at 275 (twice) -- then 245 and 185, which had nothing to do with 3. This would have been a baaaaad day to piss me off. Luckily, I spent most of the afternoon destroying a room of my house, so there was no one around for me to vent my testosterone on, and I had a constructive (destructive? Constructively destructive?) outlet for it.

Incidentally, I go to a gym down the street from a college with a very large female population. I need to nail down the parameters of "dirty old man"-dom...

Redbeard

2007-03-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

I grew a beard. It is red. That is all.

On mission

2007-01-21T07:08:00.000-08:00

For those who were worried... I'm not dead. I'm on an assignment out of town. Respectable pay, all expenses paid, essentially a long-term interview, as far as I'm concerned. I will be back soon, in the meantime, my internet access is unsecure and spotty at best, so I'm going to be intermittently lurking.

Stay out of trouble, people.

Stunned

2007-01-09T01:46:00.000-08:00

... but can't say I'm unhappy. More reasons for a playoff.

295

2006-12-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

Well, today was a bellweather day for me.

I went to the gym to lift, which I have been doing pretty regularly again. It was bench day, and I was going to do my typical pyramid down (for the uninitiated, this means you do your warm-up, then jump to a weight you can do a minimal number of reps of (I aim for two) and then work your way down. This allows for maximum tear, which allows for maximum strength increase). Last time I was going to top the pyramid at 255, but ended up throwing up 6 reps at 255 so I broke the pyramid and went up to 275. Today I threw up 7 at 275, so I went up to 295 and still did 3 on my first set. I could break 300 next week (keep reading). My goal was 300+ by April, but I've jumped 70 pounds in less than 5 weeks, so that's a cop-out (or was, keep reading).

I did 9 or so sets, including two on the negative (take 135 lbs, bring it down slow and under control, then throw it up as hard as you can and bring it down as slow as you can again, repeat). 60 lb dumbell flys. Shoulders. Because of all this upper body work, my shoulders were all tight as hell. Then I fell 8 feet off a ladder and wrecked my left shoulder.

Yeah. About that. I went to help a friend move some stuff off of a loft in his garage and I was, as usual, doing the heavy-lifting. I was on the ladder with 80 or so pounds of container, when it felt like the ladder was going to fall so I overcompensated, which caused me to fall. My leg got caught in the ladder, though I almost caught myself twice on the way down. I had all the time in the world-- it was cool. I was thinking "keep your head up" so I put my arm out. Then I thought "with your arm out like that, you'll break your wrist" so I pulled my hand in and left my elbow out. Then I thought "if that box falls on you, you're dead" so I shoved the box away, then I hit the ground, hip and elbow first. At first I had pain in my chest, presumably from the adrenaline. I sat there for a minute, then answered "Are you ok" with "I think so." Moved my arm at the elbow. Checked my hip. Then reached for the table to pull myself up, and almost passed out. After the initial shock, my arm felt all right. I have the full range of motion, with some pain. No visible discoloration. A tiny bit of swelling. In all, it's hard to tell if there were any effects, or I'm just seeing the result of the benching. Most of the pain seems to be muscular, and more neck then shoulder, but it could be broken or dislocated (I doubt it because of the range of motion), or I could have a ligament or cartilage tear. Time to elect that COBRA health coverage...

I called my dad, who knows a bit about sports medicine, and he said I should have it looked at. I talked him into having me have someone look at it if there's still a problem tomorrow. There will be. His most salient point was "don't benchpress 295 anymore." Like that's going to happen anytime soon.

So now I'm almost guaranteed to be out of the gym for 2 weeks or more. Dammit.

Musings...

2006-12-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

The pink one is the Shemash... Very colorful third night of the festival of lights. How come these things never last for 8 days anymore?

I'm going to be scarce for the next week. I'm going to be trying to lift every morning, work 14 hour days, and still get 6 hours in bed (I don't sleep much) every night. If so, nothing personal.

What's all that traffic up in the northwest/vancouver area? Some of it is PB, some might be the lady who does lawgeekgurl.livejournal.com, I guess, but what is the other one...? I'm a little nervous... Call the exterminator - I have lurkers.

***

Boise State? Who's stalking me from Boise State? Idaho? Have a potato and a beer and post a comment, bub. This isn't a play for your entertainment -- you're all here for MY amusement.

Wanna be rich?

2006-12-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

By popular demand:

SELL HANNUKAH CANDLES, DAMMIT!!! Jews will drive for miles to buy them. Every year I end up driving all over the fricking universe looking for Hannukah candles... inevitably on the first night of Hannukah. I had a box of candles... or so I thought. Turns out I had FOUR FRICKING CANDLES IN A FULL BOX!! I ended up with birthday candles that look about right. Some of them are striped pink, but what the hell, right?

Better known to me than most.

2006-12-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

In brightest day, in blackest night,
no evil shall escape my sight!
Let those who worship evil's might,
beware my power.. Green Lantern's light!

While we're at it, don't you think they could have just changed this guy's pajamas? Ohhhhh, the humanity...

Silenced.

2006-12-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry about not commenting to anyone. I can log in, but I can't post comments. I have no idea what's wrong, and I've sent a message to blogger to try to figure it out. Meanwhile, enjoy the silence, I guess...

Bad for the paranoia...

2006-12-08T20:03:00.000-08:00

The map and tracking thing are neat, but seeing where people hit from makes me sort of creeped out. It's like... "who knows who I am...?" I know some of you, but there are a few who skeeve me out. Before you put this stuff on your site, be prepared for that...

Revenge: a dish best served cold

2006-12-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

So, after leaving my job I spent 10 days taking my first vacation since 2000, and then I started looking for a job. I got the lawyer equivalent of a temp job, where we sit in a cold dark room for hours and hours looking at documents for production in a huge-ass case. BOOOOOORING. Uncertain timeframe, but tons of overtime, and you can make a fat pile... while you're working. I've worked every day but thanksgiving since 11/25, and I did 73.5 hours last week. Irony is, it's in the same building as my old firm. So I went down and ran into some of the people I used to work with, and I've had lunch with some of them, etc.

One of my ex-boss's big issues is communication. When she pulls asshole bullshit, she doesn't want anyone else to know about it. I made a point of making sure people did know about it. She hated me for it. Now, she has no control over what I say to anyone. One person I used to work with mentioned in passing that I had lunch with her, and my ex-boss was like "doesn't that make you uncomfortable." Answer was no, she didn't like it.

So anyway, my ex-boss's boss and I got along REALLY well (he likes that I'm a "maverick"), and he came into town last Friday. He asked if anyone was still in touch with me, and nearly everyone was like "yeah, I had beers with him last week" or "yeah, I had lunch with him yesterday." Then he said he would like to speak with me and to write me a letter of reference. THAT IS COOL. I got an email about it. I was about ready to walk on over, but it was suggested that my ex-boss wasn't going to be able to handle that. I told them to give him my cell number and email. That's pretty cool.

So now my ex-boss gets to deal with all that. Yay.

"Up, please"

2006-11-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

So, for his 2d birthday my friend's youngest son has learned the word "please," which, at the age of 30, I have still not mastered. Interestingly, the favorite past-time in that household, for both the 2 yo and the 5 yo, is to be carried around on my shoulders, and thrown into the air, and thrown onto the couch. The 5 year old is pretty vocal and descriptive in his demands to be "thrown in the air," "thrown up high," and "thrown at the couch." The 2 yo just says "Up." When I say "No up." he says "Up, please." If I say no again, he whines a lot.

I like to do a toothy chimpanzee smile with my lips pulled back in a sort of grimace. The 2 yo and I can do that for hours. I am such a bad influence.

PCG=crazy-ass bitch

2006-11-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

So, PCG called me tonight. Out of the blue. Just wanted to see how I was doing. I played it off for a while, and then said, "So why did you decide to call me after not talking to me for more than two months?" Response: "It's been longer than that, I think." So I asked "So why did you not talk to me for more than two months?" Response: "I think I was mad at you." So I'm like "Why?" Response: "You were being abrasive." [NO FUCKING SHIT!!! I'M ABRASIVE TO EEEEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRRRYYYYYOOOOOONNNNEEEEE, ALL THE TIME, PERIOD.] "So why did you decide to call me now. Response: [I'm a bit fuzzy in my recollection on this one, because I was setting up my new laser printer so I can print things for my interview tomorrow. Something like:] "You told me I was a train wreck, and I'm not a train wreck anymore." This sets up the discussion of the two guys she's dumped since then for later. So I got my shot in: "So you're telling me I was right? ...don't answer that, la la la la I'm not listening to your answer... it would hurt my Batman credentials (I call myself Batman with her, so as to hide my secret secret identity, and because she wouldn't understand the reference regardless of how many times I explained it.).

MOTS: CRAZY-ASS BITCH

So we proceded to have a 45 minute conversation like nothing happened.

I did tell her I won't call her anymore, she has to call me from now on.

WILL LITIGATE FOR FOOD

2006-10-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

So, it's official, I am unemployed.

Frankly, I'm stunned. Too stunned to really have an opinion on it at this point. I thought I had done everything I was supposed to do, and I pointed that out, but was told they weren't prepared to point out the basis.

So, I now have a brief, paid vacation.

Galactichero

2006-10-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

So, I just got a call from a former co-worker because her father has a brain tumour, he just had chemo, and he can't keep food down, and he may not live through the night. So I ask myself... why am I getting this call? Why do I keep getting these calls? Not that I'm complaining, but what do you say to that? You may have noticed, I'm not the most sensitive guy... "Gee, that sucks, how's everything else going?"

She was frustrated because her mom keeps losing the will and power of attorney that she keeps writing for her dad. I'm like... "your mom has some other things on her mind, I guess..." Her mom called during our conversation, so she clicked over to see what was going on... haven't heard back... It's either going to be a long night, or a long day tomorrow.

That reminds me, PCG hasn't had anything to say to me for a while. Brat.

COME GET YOUR CRAP!!!

2006-10-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

HEY, FORMER ROOMMATES (BOTH OF THEM)... COME GET YOUR CRAP. IT'S BEEN HERE TOO DAMN LONG ALREADY, AND YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE.

I was feeling frustrated by other peoples' shit in my space.

I started a cult...

2006-10-22T17:47:00.000-07:00

I apparently started a cult of people who list "not working" on their profiles as an interest. I am amused.

Old news, but should be amusing...

2006-10-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago one of the support staff at my office quit -- for all the obvious reasons. When she was leaving we all went out to get a drink, and that went on for a while. She spent the whole time hitting on me which was slightly creepy because she is married.

In the end there were three of us, me, her, and one other person. I got a call from a friend to go and hang out, and so I invited the other two to come. The one who hadn't been hitting on me said she was going to go to meet with others from the office elsewhere, and the married one who had been hitting on me said she wanted to come. I was like "... uh... I was kidding." She got all offended, so I capitulated. She followed me to the place we were hanging out, and watched us while we played pool (she refused to play, but sat and bitched about various things the whole time). My friend was going to go ask this one particular girl we see there often out, and she kept going on and on about how cute this girl was. Finally, I told her to shut up, because she was dangerously close to talking my friend off. He went to go do his thing (down in flames), and I explained why I told her to shut up. I made her cry. I refused the bait, but my friend came back and did the sensitive guy thing. Wah wah.

Later that night, I got an email: "It was fun. We should do it again some time." I responded: "Yeah, next time without the crying."

That story is a lot less entertaining after the editing to remove identifying information. Oh well...

"This is my sad time of day"

2006-10-22T16:50:00.000-07:00

In St. Louis there used to be someone who would post these little stickers, sometimes just the text, sometimes with a little picture of some odd thing in black and white, that said "This is my sad time of day." I was just doing my rounds on blogs etc., and was about to tell someone they need to entertain me in real time. That's what my friends are for, but they're all busy. So ... this is my sad time of day. I should be working on some stuff for next week. Trial coming up. Defend my probation next week. That will suck. Doing everything but what I should be doing... Watching a crappy movie. Reading a Dragonlance prequel. Playing with my MP3 player. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED.

Picky about my geekdom

2006-10-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

There's a new ad for some HDTV that has Star Trek characters in it. Kirk, Spock, old school, right? At the end of the ad they play the Next Generation theme song. Bugs the crap out of me.

I would say something more significant, but I don't know where to start.

Daredevil Bob...

2006-10-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

Daredevil Bob the moth... taking a breather.

Sandra Arachnea

2006-10-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

This is Sandra Arachnea. She's very nice... until she tries to eat you.

Scary bug, er, spider. Bleaugh.

Keeping an eye out.

2006-10-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

More of Master Bugg...

Bugg Fu Yong

2006-10-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

It got cold, and we had a frost, so all the bugs are going away. That reminded me, along with PB's plea for new blogstuff, of some bug pics I have laying around.

Sometimes I find a bug that's really cool, and I make up a story about it.

Meet Bugg Fu Yong. He's a monk master from a monastary, sent to study why things die. He was pausing on his way when an ogre came across him. The ogre asked why he didn't run way, since most ogres would eat a monk, and Yong explained that he was supposed to be studying death, and if he ran he would miss a prime chance to experience it. The ogre laughed and explained that he didn't like the taste of monks anyway.

I was the ogre.

Tentative "whew"...

2006-09-23T06:09:00.000-07:00

So, we won our trial this week. I realized on day two that the reason I was uneasy was that I was not the 1st chair, and had no control over the process. I have never 2 chaired a jury before. I've done literally dozens, but never in the navigator seat. It's a different perspective. I'm pretty sure I hate it.

It was a good week for saving my job. It's pretty rare to win these types of cases on our end, so that helped my stock price. Also, the firm's HR development partner showed up and talked to all of us. He talked to me for twice as long as we were scheduled, and it turns out that most people bitched specifically about how -I- have been treated lately... Not sure that's entirely a good thing, but at least it shows that treating me like shit shot morale all to hell.

So all I have to do now is finish this stupid research project, and I will have hit all the targets on my probation. Think I bought myself another month at least...

Procrastination can be fun

2006-09-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

Still amotivated. Didn't apply for jobs. Didn't email the headhunter. Didn't work on the outline for the CLE I teach later this month. Didn't work on my trial prep. Didn't write my meet and confer letter.

I can tell you that the movie Troy is unwatchable. Totally sucks balls.

How much does your life suck if...?

2006-09-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

How much does your life suck if a good day is:
1. Not getting yelled at by your tyrannical boss;
2. Getting to sneak our early to file things;
3. Finding out you don't have any loathsome social diseases or leukemia; and
4. Finding out that there's only a chance you're going to develop diabetes.

BTW, I don't have cancer. At least not the kind I was worried about. Why am I still depressed?

Why is my life complicated?

2006-08-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

So, I've been mistreated at work lately. I decided to go over some heads to see if I could get the problem fixed. The company I work for has two names in the masthead... I was talking to one of those guys. I outlined my issues for 80 minutes. YAAAAY. I should be unemployed in the next few weeks. Maybe I'll move out west then...

I also found out that one of the women I work with actually threatened another of the women I work with about coming onto me... Remember that joke about suddenly waking up hot...? I had to ask a third woman I work with if there was a perception that the first woman and I were... fraternizing. She told me everybody hoped so, but nobody thought so. Steer me through this one, guys...

Adventures in clubbing...

2006-08-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

I am not a clubber. I'm not even a socializer. I like to be mostly alone, most of the time. I have a friend who's having a 30-something crisis, and he is searching for a girlfriend and a meaning in life. SOOOOO, for no good reason we went to this club, and sat around for three hours drinking beer. It was pretty boring.

At one point I went to the bathroom, and while in line some guy asked if I was in the army. I said no. He asked if I was in the Marine Corps. I said no. He asked what branch of the service I am in. I told him none. He showed me a USMC tattoo on his chest and said, "Me either... I can't even tell my dad." I was like, "No, really, I'm not in the military." Bizarre.

Just before we left, some guy fell off a stool. Then, some girl got onto the stool and tried to spin it around while sitting on it. I told her "It would be a pain in the ass to have to scrape [her] head off the floor." So naturally, she introduced herself to me. She had some difficulty with my name, which is somewhat unusual "What's that short for?" "Is it short for something...?" Then we left. I told her to keep her head off the floor.

Afterwards we went to Denny's. There were a lot of drunk people. I saw a guy get bounced from Denny's for the first time in my life. It took 2 hours or so. There were drunk high school students (who were all talking about who performed fellatio with who), and drunk yuppies and ... lots of drunk people.

Not a particularly exciting evening. I'd rather have stayed home and watched the Lord of the Rings again, or gone out and played pool.

Lupus and PMS -- how can you get better excuse than that?

2006-08-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

I really should be finishing my work, but I need down time.

So, earlier this week I text-messaged PCG. It was much less complicated at the time, a no-brainer. We have this thing where she tells me to behave (been going on off and on for almost 12 years now, and it actually seems to help), and I was about to talk to the big boss at work and told her I needed to be told to behave. She told me to behave and that she would call me Sunday. I was at work today, and got some, but not enough done. I left to hang out with my friend's kids. I was swinging them in the air and dropping them on a couch when she called. It was surreal. She was all cheery. I was like, "do you remember the last time we talked -- you hung up on me, then left me a message?" She said she can't remember. I told her we needed to have a "Serious Talk," but I had a two year old screaming my name over and over and a five year old running around me in circles. We're supposed to talk tomorrow.

So, here's my problem. I have no idea how to approach this. I'm not sure I believe she doesn't remember, but how convenient a set of excuses (she didn't specify, but I asked her about hormones etc. and was told she didn't know). Psychotic event maybe? Anyway, it doesn't matter if she can or can't remember. What matters is, I'm a bit tired of this.

Musing...

2006-08-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

How come I have twice as many profile views as you guys? I find that odd.

I was thinking about revealing my email address to see what happens, but then I'll have to deal with A. Drama, B. Spam, and C. Jettisonning my favorite shill address in the long run. Isn't that what myspace is for instead?

I need to have my rotors turned on my car. They squeak with each rotation. It gets really irritating...

Universal Soldier is a good movie to have on in the background... how vapid.

Caro called herself a nerd. ;-?

Nic admitted to crying. <:-O
[next serial in the soap opera getting cued up here, kids]

Pinkbunny called me a kid >:-x

I have to get up at 5 am... again.

I have more work due in the next 5 days than I could do in the next 3 weeks... hence the change to my profile.

My boss managed to tell me I'm doing things wrong while out on vacation. In the last month I've been yelled at by a boss who isn't around and dumped by a girl I'm not dating. Batting 1000...

It's very quiet in the middle of the woods, until you start to hear all the nature noises. Then it's deafening.

The Crown Prince of Dorks and Losers

2006-08-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

[Pointless musing]

When I was in high school, a girl once called me the Crown Prince of Dorks and Losers. I was a varsity athlete, so I could have been a jock. I had good grades, so I could have been a prep. The stoners didn't hate me because I didn't judge them. I could hang out with any group I wanted to. I got along best with the "freaks" as I called them (part punks, part hippies), because they didn't have a "thing" that defined them, and they allowed me to do what I wanted to do, so that's where I hung out most often. One day one of the preppy girls was arguing with me about how I was obnoxious (always a defining characteristic for me), and I said something along the lines of "That's because I'm the Crown Prince of Cool, and I don't care what you think." She responded by calling me the "Crown Prince of Dorks and Losers." I liked that title, so I've kept it.

I am sort of a Peter-Pan figure. I play games, watch cartoons, read comic books, that sort of thing. It's funny, because the scene for those sorts of things is always in a state of flux, with stores and hangouts closing, or moving, or changing. I've been really busy lately, so I haven't hung out much. I finally got together with some of my Vs card (it's a collectible card game based on superheroes from comic books) friends yesterday. I went by this new store that opened. The owner asked me if I am [my first name], and I said yes, and he shook my hand. Then a bunch of the kids in the store, some of whom I knew from before, came up and shook my hand, and we talked about games, and cars (I hate the Mitsubishi EVO VIII - don't buy one). I'm like an elder statesman of the gaming community. I'm the Crown Prince of Dorks and Losers. It's sort of a weird feeling to have people look up to you just for being who you are.

"Don't keep eating that one over and over... Eat this one"

2006-08-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

I was eating with my friend and his two young sons, and I actually heard the phrase: "Don't keep eating that one over and over... Eat this one." The two year old was eating bits of steak (yuk) and he started putting them in a small cup of coke. Then he would chew on the steak, spit it out, put it back in the coke and chew it again. Finally his father said the aforementioned. I was amused. We were playing the chimpanzee smile game, and I was eating boca burgers with mashed potatoes, so we ended up trying to show as much food as possible. I lost. He cheated by wearing his.

The elder son and I continued our conversation about reading and spelling. I told him to spell my name, and he said he couldn't because he was eating. I took issue with that.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. As usual, my friend's kids saved my life. Kids are cool. Especially when you can come and hang out with them when you want to, and don't have to change diapers (often).

Am I wearing a sign, or something: "I'm into PSYCHOS!!!"?

2006-07-31T18:02:00.000-07:00

So, in the last month, I've had two emails from women I used to know who are officially psycho, including one that actually had a subject line that said "I cyberstalker." I shit you not. PSYCHO!!!

My roommate's soon to be ex-wife hit on me in an email (CREEEEPY!!! and...). PSYCHO!!!

PCG officially lost her shit on me. I got dumped by a girl I wasn't dating, and generally agree I will never be dating. PSYCHO!!!

Today I got in a line by line email string with a woman working in my office that started with her thanking me for moving a piece of office equipment that was heavy, lead to her saying she would ask me if she needed an escort in a dark alley, which I joked about, and ended up with her actually writing "Hence my desire to have you beside me in the dark." I wanted to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting that, so I sent it to my ex-roommate. Verdict: PSYCHO!!!

Then Nic tells us all that she's "committed" (nice choice of words) to a German guy who she will never see again, and tells me she misses me. She's never met me. Her parents live 2 hours away from me, but she's never met me. Flattering, ok, but still... PSYCHO!!!

Am I wearing a sign that says "come get me psycho women"? Am I giving off decayed pheremones or something? What the hell?

Women, you are ALL PSYCHO!!! This is why I don't date. PSYCHO!!! [shower-scene shrieking noise.]

Change of roommates

2006-07-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

I used live traps to catch the mouse. Only it turned out to be two mice, one of which was pregnant. I released them down the road. They were not particularly happy with me, but they were alive, which I suppose they should sort of appreciate.

My roommate moved out (sort of, because he left a bunch of his stuff here). His nephew is staying here for the summer while he works before college. Not much else to say about that. He doesn't know anyone here, so he comes home and watches tv all night. That's pretty sad, I guess.

And now for something REALLY neat...!!!

2006-07-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

There are at least four people who are going to want to discuss this with me at great length, and all I have to say to them is "FUCK YOU!!!"

I just got a "Dear John" VOICEMAIL from a woman I am NOT dating, who I haven't seen in SIX YEARS!!! I didn't know that was remotely possible. Well, at least I have never conceived of it.

There's a lot of story behind this but to give the short version, Prospective Cancer Girl, who I am now calling PCG for ease and because the "prospectiveness" of the cancer is gone, was gone for two weeks on business and vacation, and we hadn't talked. She apparently got back and left me several messages, which, thanks to Sprint PCS sucking, I didn't get for more than two weeks. So I left a somewhat irritated message for her, which she responded to with an irritated message. On Thursday I got her messages and we talked, and she told me up front she was having a rough week, so I tried to do the teddy bear thing - which I am not good at, you might be able to tell. I also have had a tough few weeks, so I was in a generally unpleasant mood. I thought I was handling it pretty well.

She was all preoccupied with her having some sort of psychological problem, and I informed her that I think she has no problems and is generally well-envied. This would usually be a good thing to say, right? I explained my theory that people these days just have a lower threshhold for discomfort, and so they bail when things get a little unpleasant, and this explains the divorce rate, abortion, alienation, etc. So then she started telling me that she was going to see a therapist, and I did some more "there's nothing wrong with you" talk. All of a sudden she started crying. This is nothing new. What happens usually is she tells me she's going to go, and I keep her on the phone until she calms down. That's what happened with the cancer conversation in fact. This time, she hung up on me. She's NEVER hung up on me before. EVER. We didn't talk for five years because of some horrible things I said to her, and she didn't hang up on me that time.

I figured she didn't want me to call her back, so I sent her some emails with jokes and things, general expressions of concern, and left a voicemail at her apartment while I knew she was at work the next day.

Today she left me a voicemail (when she knew I would not answer) telling me that we're "developing a pattern where [I] hurt [her] and apologize later" and she's "not a fan" (a phrase borrowed from my lexicon) of that. She also said that's one of the reasons we didn't talk for five years. Then there was some junk about "sorry to leave this in a voicemail" and "enjoying my three days off without being on call [her job puts her on call], may not call [me], this weekend," and her voice was choking up.

I'm a little confused by all this. We weren't dating. In fact, we had joked about how we weren't dating, and never would, before she went on vacation. One of the things we talked about on Thursday was some new guy she likes, and I joked she meets a new guy every two weeks, which she challenged, so I listed them. Hanging up was uncool. Leaving me a voicemail accusing me of ... whatever the hell I'm being accused of is just thoughtless and inconsiderate. Can't you just not call someone back? That's what I would do.

I'm sort of caught here. Do you call the person you weren't dating who dumped you in a voicemail back? I'm a little worried about the convergence of things going on with her right now, and she's got all those medical issues, and that whole bizarre "my father died when I was young" thing, as well as a few other things that I won't mention here. I also think that, while I like associating with her, and I think she's very good for ME, if I'm not good for HER, I'm the one in the best position to bear a burden here, and we can go another 5 years without talking. I'm also a little surprised (shocked), angry, sad, confused (bewildered), and ... frankly, AMUSED. Who gets dumped by friends? In a VOICEMAIL? I'm waiting to hear on CNN about some crazy suicide attempt in LA.

She is such a train-wreck. Don't they just make pills that cause people to not be train-wrecks? Can we jolt her with some electricity or hit her in the head or something and just fix her already?

Galactichero vs the infant's intestinal virus

2006-07-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

So, as strange as this may sound, I'm pretty good with kids. That's all I'm going to say about that.

There's this family that I have been more or less adopted by that has a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old (ages thereabouts), and the adults wanted to got to see a movie, so I was called in for babysitting duty. First, they warned me that the 2 year old had been having a nasty intestinal virus, and if he "pooped" (a word I would never use except in the context of infant fecal matter) I had to change it ASAP. Then, the 2 year old, who rarely if ever is without his mother freaked out, at least until I let him wail for a while. So we were playing with this .8 meter stuffed dog I got them, with beanbag type paws. I would grab the dog by the paws and say something like "You, you will not fight me!!" in the 70s style martial arts cheesiness voice, and they would come at him, and I would make him punch and kick and grab and roll around and pin them. Both of them thought this was great fun. Suddenly I noticed the 2 y/o running away with ... I hesitate to say "no shit" ... GREEN OOZE on his back when his shirt came up. Yeah. Green ooze. So I have to stop the games asap, and get this dealt with. So I enlist the 4 y/o to stay out of the way by finding another set of clothes and some wipes for the 2 y/o.

The 2 y/o, who doesn't pronounce my name with the right vowel, is just staring at me as I wipe the green ooze up (which took a loooooong time) saying my name over and over in this confused sort of way. I was telling him that I was no happier about it than he was, and both of us, after some therapy, would laugh about it one day. It was eeeeeverywhere. Finally, I got him cleaned up, and [shudder] desitined up, and I got myself scrubbed with antibacterial soap (4x). We went back to playing with the dog when I noticed the 4 y/o was gone, so I called for him. He was taking a crap. Then he ran back in the room with no pants on, and handed a friend of ours who had just arrived his dirty pants and underwear and told us he needed new pants. He got it EEEEEEEVERYWHERE. I had a 2 and a 5 y/o both saying "ohh the humanity" by the end of the evening. That was pretty funny.

Galactichero vs the infant's intestinal virus. A draw.

I will never be an accountant.

2006-06-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

I talked about this a little before, but several years ago, before going to law school, I enrolled in two community college courses -- accounting and business. I ended up having to go to law school before I finished them, so I had to withdraw. They never bothered to tell me that after two semesters a withdrawal became an F. A few years ago I applied for engineering school, got my transcripts, and BAM, two Fs. I enrolled to take the accounting class a few months ago by correspondence. Then PCG, new job, effectively relocating for new job, fixing house, blah blah. Now I'm trying to do 16 weeks of accounting in... 2 weeks. It's KICKING MY ASS!!! I just failed, literally, the first exam I have ever failed ever in my life ever. Ever. Not even close.

So now I'm doing this test practice set thing, and it's kicking my ass. I've figured out what I was doing wrong for several of the subsections, so I can back the screwups out and fix the numbers, but it's taking forever. I literally have to complete a chapter a day for the next two weeks.

Don't be surprised if I'm scarce for the next two weeks...

Dodge a bullet to take a missile in the face

2006-06-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

Prospective cancer girl has lupus. We knew that. She's getting lupus fog. We didn't know that. Her brain is rotting. Which would have been better...? Treatable cancer, or inevitable senility?

That's all I have to say right now.

Showing corporate America the back of my hand... and getting away with it!!

2006-06-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

[I will probably edit this post at least once. I just want to get it up here tonight.]

Well, today my blackberry and I had an amusing adventure...

I was working on my homestudy class (bad call), and I got a broadcast email from one of the partners in some other office of my firm. He needed some research for a rapidly impending trial. I've never met this guy. I'm pretty sure he was one of the few who didn't want me around (he's conservative, I'm slightly to the left of Karl Marx). I responded to a quasi-criminal question of his last week, and he emailed me back a joke as thanks, to which I replied with a joke going ... a bit too far with his joke.

So I know something about this particular issue, and I send a response (which when you have big hands, is hard on a small blackberry keyboard). He wrote back something sort of dismissive, so I did a little research on the blackberry -- which is pretty cool to be able to do in public -- and then I said "screw it" and went to work.

In typical GH fashion, I researched the issue(s), gave a little memo, and included in it some snyde cynical crap - why work on Saturday if you can't have fun? The partner emailed it on to the co-counsel, who basically offered me a job in response - presumably as a joke. The partner jokingly told me not to take the job. I told him I couldn't because I'm "too dumb and lazy to take another bar exam."

No response yet...

It's good to be good.

It's pretty uppity and gimicky, but my blackberry is becoming my vigilant sidekick... My Robin, my Bucky, my Arthur, my Speedy, my ... is it Pen, or Teller? Whatever...

Minding everyone else's business can be fun...

2006-06-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

So last night was the long-scheduled pissing contest between my old office and our rival government entity. It took the form of a softball game my office won by 28 to 7 or so. I had a bad wrist, so I played very little, but watched my friend's kids instead. The youngest, about 1.5 years old, finally stopped looking at me as some random guy and started thinking about me as a quasi family member. He ran around butchering my first name.

After the game we went to a bar. The woman who put her head in my lap and asked me to ask her out a few weeks ago was there, acting all weird, but she left early so I never got to address that whole thing. Then most people left. I was leaning against the wall holding court with some law student victim witness lady, and we were MST3k'ing this "date" going on in front of us. Two 20somethings were playing pool, doing the whole nervous joke, fake laugh, pose, posture, avoid touching first or second date thing. The guy crushed the girl 3 times in a row, so finally, I leaned on the table and said "Hey, if you're hoping to get laid tonight, DON'T crush her 4 times in a row." I said this in front of her, and they laughed nervously. Then he started tanking on purpose, obviously, so I yelled "Let the wookie win!" Then, he made a good shot and flipped his collar up, so I said "I have better chance with this girl than he does." Two other guys started horning in on the girl after that. Anyway, we were basically doing running commentary on this poor guy's date. It was fun. I figured that was going to be the comedy highlight of the weekend.

This morning I got up and went to study for my class (turns out I miscalculated how much the homework was worth...). I was at a Panera. After about a half hour of studying, this Indian guy and a middle aged white lady came in. I assumed they were married. [INTERLUDE: given what I do, I have to be able to multi-task. As a result, I can listen, read, write, and think all at once -- I lose some fidelity, but I can catch most of a bunch of things all at once.] They were talking about waiting for someone. Eventually a vietnamese guy came in. First they talked about the vietnamese guy getting the Indian guy a job with the company he works for. Then the shit hit the fan. Turns out Indian and white lady's daughter just got engaged to Vietnamese guy's son. From word one, it became clear that this was ok with vietnamese guy, not ok with the others. THEY LIT HIS SHIT UP!!! Turns out:
1. Their daughter is studying for her medical boards, and they think dude is a distraction, and should have waited.
2. Dude asked for permission, from lady's dad but was told to wait-- and didn't.
3. Dude had to drop some classes (found out later this was for medical reasons, but I'll get there)
4. Dude "talks to lady on the phone too much" and "goes there too much"
5. Dude and lady are "impulsive" and "immature"
6. Dude's dad knew that they were getting engaged, and lady's parents didn't (with the way they reacted, no shit...)
7. lady's parents don't want her getting married (subtext: to this guy)
8. After her boards she's going to work somewhere and "may meet other men..."
9. Turns out dude's dad bought the ring. According to lady's mom, in America, if you can't afford a ring, you don't get engaged... According to dude's dad, Vietnamese custom requires he buy the ring. According to lady's dad, in India the whole family has to throw a party
10. Lady's parents thought dude was very disrespectful by getting engaged to their daughter without their permission (...???)
11. Lady's parents didn't want her distracted from her career.

Now, this was clearly an ambush. Dude's dad was stunned. Remember, this is a fucking RESTAURANT, and I'm sitting FOUR FEET AWAY!!

Then dude rolled in. IMMEDIATELY, his future in laws tore his shit up. That whole spiel came back. He tried to defend himself (I almost leaned over -- he was TWO feet away -- to tell him that he needed to realize they hated him and always would, and to apologize, cede the point, and escape with his life). They hit his religion, his ethnicity, his HEALTH -- he said he dropped some classes because of medical concerns, and lady's dad LAUGHED and lady's mom said "and you have a treatable, but incurable disease, how are you going to get married with THAT!??!" -- the ring came back -- he tried to explain the culture; "what about my culture? In my culture, you can't get married if you can't afford a ring" [bullshit, drive [past a trailer park, lady]. You get the point.

Eventually, the manager came and threw them out -- that was amusing. It doesn't end there. I'm still studying. After a while, I sit up and sigh in my "Gollum" (as in, Lord of the Rings) way, and someone asked "is it that stressful?" So I told them the story. Eeeeeeeeveryone thought it was pretty funny. Meanwhile, for another 30 minutes, dude's ENTIRE family -- his siblings and mom got here -- get FUCKED UP by lady's mom and dad. Then dude's family comes in to eat. After they eat, they go outside to talk and close ranks again. When that broke up, I went out and talked to him. I shook his hand and told him "That was the rest of your life, bub, they're never gonna like you. Just learn to agree that you suck and do what you're gonna do anyway." I explained that I was an attorney and used to do family law, and that sometimes it's not the couple but the parents. He apologized that I heard all that. I told him not to worry about it... that it was amusing. Then he shook my hand again and left.

Remember, they stared by asking dude's dad to find lady's dad a job...

This morning was more amusing than last night. It's been a high comedy weekend...

perspective lite

2006-05-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

So, I'm at my friend's house with some friends for the Memo. day thing. We've been doing the pig out thing for HOURS, and it's winding down when the power goes out. First, the 4 year old freaked out, which was ok, because I was right there. Then, there's the big "find the flashlight" production. THEN, the ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD wanders out into the street. What the hell, people? It's 9:30 at night. Why is a power outage such a big deal?

So then I drove home. Got here and my automatic motion sensing lights didn't come on. I had flipped the switch and was cursing myself. Go figure...

The sound of silence

2006-05-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

I was wondering why no one has been commenting in a while. Nic just asked why I don't allow comments. I do allow comments. I changed some settings, but it doesn't look fixed, so I'm waiting for blogger's help people to take a look.

That explains the silence...

This is cool... ANONYMITY AND NO CONSEQUENCES!!! YER ALL DOOMED!!! DOOOOOOOOOMED!!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!

[I kept looking]
----hmmmm. Perhaps the comment moderation with no email address was the problem.

Hey Nic, I know yer dying to lash out at me, let me know when you get the opportunity. [Ohhhhh, the editing -I- just did...]

New Roommate

2006-05-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

I have a new roommate. He's about 2 inches tall, furry, and has a tail and a bad overbite. I think he came to take advantage of my OTHER roommate's willingness to leave food lying around. This irritates me.

My vietnamese little brother and I found ourselves in NoVA today. If you are ever in Sterling, VA, eat at the taste of vietnam restaurant. KICKASS. I used to eat there three times a week.

We went to get noisemakers to evict the new roommate. I would prefer not to have to kill him. If he's still around in two weeks, I am going to kill that fucker and nail a piece of him to every door in the house as a warning...

I have to get a blackberry for work. This is proving to be a PITA.

My parents came to see my house on short notice on Friday. Then they left Saturday morning. This was unusual even for them...

How do I handle THIS fucking mess?

2006-05-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

I've made reference to this on other blogs, but now I have nearly the full story so I can talk about it here.

I left my old job and started my new one. The day after leaving, I hung out with my former coworkers (the drinking had started early that day). I may explain some of the drunken craziness, but lets just say there was drunken craziness. Eventually, out of nowhere, one of my former coworkers started coming onto me -- HARD. I mean, introducing herself as my girlfriend, rubbing me, putting her head on my shoulder, etc. Finally she asked me to ask her out [now just to pause and editorialize, we WERE out. What was I going to do, ask her to leave so I could ask her to come back?]. Eventually, we got into another coworker's car to go to another bar, and while we were in the back seat together she put her head in my lap and again asked me to ask her out. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea for a number of reasons.

Now, let's be honest. I had a 100% chance of getting laid. Nic would have been all up in it if she were me. Everyone I know is giving me shit about this. I'm not hideous, but I don't date -- I have a lot of hangups, and I really don't have time for someone else's shit. This girl isn't hideous either, and she's pretty cool -- she likes sports, and doesn't take a lot of shit from people. She's low maintenance. There really isn't a reason not to ask her out, other than the fact that when we break up, I know a lot of the same people as her and historically this has always worked out badly for me because the partner always has better social skills than me, and I end up the bad guy. Frankly, my spider-sense was going off. We're not talking about my last day, we're talking about the day AFTER my last day. She wasn't drunk, but she wasn't stone-cold sober either. The situation was mostly out of control to begin with also. I figured something was missing from my picture there.

We've been emailing since then, pretty much daily. Nothing serious, just short back and forth crap, and she's still been hitting on me a bit. She also stayed at a friend's house nearby for a CLE and I don't even want to KNOW what went on there. A few days ago I got an email that explains a bit: She's been drinking a lot, and acting sort of funny because her father has terminal brain tumors, all conventional treatments have failed, and they're trying an experimental treatment. She has been having to deal with her mother a lot, and she doesn't get along with her mother, but she can't very well avoid her mother while her father is dying.

SOOOOO here we go again. Think about my friend with the dad who died. Think about prospective cancer girl. My roommate who lives with me because of his nasty divorce.
Basically my entire career. I am the rock my friends orbit around.

Now I have to figure out: "How do I handle THIS fucking mess?"

Beware the agendas...

2006-05-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've lived in my house for more than a year, and my parents had never seen it. Last night they came, more or less unannounced (8 hours notice) to see my house. Independently, without talking to each other (my dad was outside, my mom was inside) their first impressions: "It's a good house for a family." Not known for subtlety, my family. Beware the agendas.

Little Red Tractor

2006-05-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

For all of those women who believe men never grow up: You're right. It's true... every word of it.

I just spent two hours reading comic books...

For my birthday my mother got me a gift card to Lowe's so I could get a riding mower. I got a 19 HP, 42 inch deck Troy Bilt with CVT automatic. It's red. Once I got it home, I was putting the bumper and mulcher on, when I remembered a book I had when I was a kid about a little red tractor. I was tremendously entertained, because I now have my very own little red tractor. I then cranked the engine speed and mowed my lawn at full speed. It was fun. The funny part? Cub Cadets are yellow. Husqvarnas are Orange. John Deere's are Green (and yellow). The only ones I seriously looked at were Troy Bilt and Toro. Little RED tractors... I'm living a book from when I was three years old.

I got new tires on my car. Firestone Round Oval performance tires on my WRX. Yay. I was talking to a friend of mine and she asked what I was doing. I explained that I had just gotten new tires, and that this was a bad thing. She asked why and I explained "I am a sociopath, and now it is much easier for me to drive like one..." She said, and I quote, "Sometimes I wish you weren't such a BOY..." This started a flirty argument ("as opposed to WHAT!??!?")...

HULK SMASH!!!!!

2006-05-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

My entire life is frustrating right now. I went to my new job. They have scheduled a week of orientation, during which I do no actual work. This frustrates the hell out of me. Then I went to the gym, and I've been out too long and am weak, and THAT frustrated the hell out of me. Then I talked to prospective cancer girl (still needs a new name) and she lectured me to "cool it and get through the orientation." I hate when she lectures me -- particularly when she's fucking right. Then I went to the grocery store, and had to wait in line, which frustrated me. Now, I'm home, and it's a mess, and that frustrates me.

They actually schedule who I go to lunch with and when...

Anyway, tomorrow they're going to tell me there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm going to treat it like a week off. As my roommate is enjoying telling me, for what they're paying me, I should shut the hell up.

I'm used to being perpectually overworked. I just want to do some work... why is that novel?

Chinese Curse Territory

2006-05-13T05:57:00.000-07:00

There is a chinese curse that goes: " May you live in interesting times":

So yesterday, my only day off before my new job, I intended to go take some exams for a home-study accounting class I signed up for. I went first to a mailbox I keep for a degree of separation from mail-ordering shit. I got a letter from the Red Cross. Several weeks ago I gave blood. When you give blood they test it. Turns out I got an initial positive on a test for HTLV, and then an inconclusive negative for the same thing. SOOOOOOO, I may have a blood-borne disease related to adult T-Cell leukemia -- before they know what HIV/AIDS was, they thought THIS was what HIV/AIDS was. Their letter says I may want to have a health professional check me, but I probably don't have it -- they didn't do the secondary screening. Thank them for all that concern.

After the obligatory calls to friends and immediate family, including prospective cancer girl -- you can imagine (that may be a later topic -- I was like "just in case you thought you outdid me..."), I went to take my exams. Only got to one of the two I wanted to because I felt it would be best to study for a while. I either nailed it or failed it, I'm not sure which.

Then I decided to hang out with my former colleagues. For some reason the libations began at 4 PM. With shots of vodka. Repeatedly. I stuck with my coffee and water for those first few rounds. As people kept filtering in we had people of varying degrees of intoxication egging each other on. This was mildly entertaining, particularly given a crowd that included roughly 5 prosecutors in their jurisdiction (In VA prosecutors get a badge, concealed carry rights, and arrest authority), defense attorneys, public defenders, probation officers, and finally jail and sheriff's officers. I was getting hit on by one of my former co-workers who wasn't quite drunk, but more inebriated than I want to be too nice to. At one point one REALLY drunk guy started hitting on the waitress ("You know I'm hotter than your boyfriend..."), and then he and a lesbian started making out -- on a 10 dollar bet -- to try to make her lesbian girlfriend jealous. Then the really drunk guy, who kept drinking, BTW, went to drive home. I though he was kidding, but chased him anyway. I got there about the point he was in gear, backing out, and opened the car door. He insited he could make it to the highway, to which I responded "That's where the REAL problems start." So I took his keys at about the point where a senior prosecutor walked up and strongly indicated he should turn the car off. I walked away with the keys.

So now really drunk guy wants his keys back, which I am not giving him. Finally I told him he could have them, but would have to fight me for them. He started unloading his pockets, so I started unloading my pockets. At about this time people (including some of the drunk ones, amusingly) reminded him who he was about to start a fight with, and talked him out of it. Finally one of the prosecutors, a former public defender, drove this guy home.

People wanted to move the party to another bar. I felt the need to chaperone, so I found myself in the back seat of a packed car... with the woman who'd been hitting on me all night. On the way to the other bar I found myself with her head in my lap asking me to ask me out. This was odd. So I reminded her of my "don't eat where you shit" rule, and was told I don't eat there anymore. I explained that I am still around, and that I have a lot of friends who work there still, blah blah. Thankfully we got to the new bar about then.

The new bar was FUUUUULLLL of corrections officers. Go figure. Me chaperoning a table full of stumbling drunks around a room full of cops. Joy. At one table was a group of jail officers, who I am notoriously hard on, so I got them a round. Several of them came over to apologize for calling one of ours a bitch because she bitched at them, and explained that I was a total asshole, which made her better by comparison. They asked when I was leaving, and I explained I had already left. They were visibly sorry to see me leaving (I explain to my clients the rough way why they need to not start shit with corrections officers). I thought that was pretty funny, particularly given the "asshole" part.

Eventually the deputy in my office sobered up and we walked back to our cars. In the rain.

I need a day off from my day off...

Whatever doesn't kill me...

2006-05-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

... just hasn't finished with me yet.

Today was a challenging day. I'll get into it later, but -I- may have cancer (sound familiar?) -- or at least something that causes it, took an accounting exam, ended up with a former co-worker's head in my lap shortly after nearly having to fight a defense attorney to keep him from using his keys to drive drunk (in front of four prosecutors -- who, BTW, have arrest authority). Then I had a gaggle of corrections officers call me an "asshole."

Immediate need: sleep. The rest will resolve itself.

Busted...

2006-05-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

Wife of my friend whose father died sent me an email asking what the fuck was up with me not calling him (not in those words). I DID TRY to call him, but didn't leave a message -- several times. What kind of A-hole leaves a message... "Gee, dude, sorry your dad died. Thought I'd send you a 15 second voicemail..."

Never had a parent die. Or a sibling. Just grandparents and pets. Not sure what to say, but I better figure it out FAST...

Sooooooo... Now I'm writing a several page eulogy-type email. And it's making me cry. And I'm not all that sensitive a guy, either.

My old friend insomnia

2006-05-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well, this was an interesting week. As aforenoted, a friend's father died last... Friday, I believe. I got my geek on on Saturday, then lifted and drove all over creation with a friend who I hadn't spoken with in years -- I'll get to that story in a minute. On Monday I had to go to the new firm where I met with the marketing people, filled out some paperwork, went to a local bar lunch, got my office, and was told what I'll be doing -- in a minute, wait. Tuesday, Court. Wednesday, jury trial. Thursday, court. Friday, court. Today I was a carpenter-- helping a friend with a job on a "spec house" that had to be done ASAP.

Ok, friend. When I was in high school I was the "crown prince of dorks and losers." I had the brain to be a prep, the talent and body to be a jock, the soul to be an artfag, the chops to be a bandgeek, but the disposition of a freak. I chose freak. So this left me hanging out with an assorted croud of malcontents, misfits, semi-stoners, granolas, dropouts, losers and fuckups. After high school I did the college thing (actually, I left a year early and did college fast, so I got ahead of a lot of people). In law school one of my friends from college had his family disintegrate. His mother died of cancer, two of his sisters took jobs out of the country. One of his sisters went to the West with her husband. His youngest sister was more or less adopted by another family, and his father went home to Vietnam. He had nowhere to go, so I invited him to live in my apt's extra bedroom. He's a sort of quiet guy, keeps to himself, lifts weights a lot, takes sci fi and comic books seriously. He paid a little rent, kept two jobs, did his own thing. I sort of adopted him as a little brother. After school I had to move away, so he went to live with another friend of ours. We still hung out, but I lived pretty far away. I co-signed a car loan for him because he had no credit (this matters later). After a number of job and address changes I moved back nearby, and we hung out again. One day, out of the blue, he told me I was a narcissist and he was never going to speak to me again. I wrote back that I was a bit preoccupied by some things that were going on, but that no one could call someone who helps out as many people as I do, as often, in as many different ways a "narcissist" (particularly not a guy who lived in my home because he had nowhere else to go). That was about 2 years ago. A few weeks ago I got a notice that my license would be suspended because he had not paid taxes on the car that I co-signed on. I wrote an email telling him to take care of it. He emailed back to find out what was going on. Last weekend he want to hang out, and we just randomly drove. this weekend I helped him finish some carpentry work for his job (I can do almost anything, have I mentioned that?). I confronted him about the narcissim thing, which was pretty unpleasant. In my circle, we rarely apologize. Instead, of taking away by unsaying things, we just sort of say more things. I got a lecture about "having truth" in you, and about how I have "honor" and "don't back down." This guy talks like a self-help book, BTW.

So now I am basically back where I was in 3rd year law school. My best law school friend is now my roommate. I am talking to prospective cancer girl again for the first time in 5 years (she needs a new name... I'll get around to it). My adopted little brother is around. I live in the middle of nowhere. All I need is to start dating sweet&dumb again (as bad an idea as that may be, it may also be a good idea -- perhaps a substitute will suffice), lift a lot of weights, and pick fights with semi-pro hockey players and I may have to start checking the calendar to figure out what year it is...

Re: not posting

2006-05-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

I have not been posting in more than a week. Asked why, the answer is simple:

Cowardice.

A friend of mine's father died last week. This is a pretty good friend, who has helped me a lot, several times. I haven't ever had a parent die. I don't really know what to say. His father died unexpectedly. I was invited to the funeral but couldn't go. I was invited to the wake but couldn't go. I tried to call, but didn't get through.

This person is one of maybe 4 people on earth who know about this blog and my alias. SOOOOOO, if I post, and he checks, he... completely irrational, I know. He's got bigger things to worry about. I know.

I had intended to write an email, because I write pretty well. I procrastinated, and now my late email will be obviously late. So now I'm all fucking sorts of stuck. I don't know what to say, and even if I did, I would be saying it late, and I'm scared to say the wrong thing on time, much less late. So that's why I haven't been around.

That and working too much.

Strange hankering...

2006-04-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted an old skool Minnesota Fighting Saints (WHA) jersey with my name and number (13- go figure) on it. Not the cheezy Red and Gold, the kickass Blue and Gold. I had found a place once that would make one, but didn't do it, and now I can't find one anywhere. I don't know why, but I was reminded of that last night, and I have been sort of randomly searching every once in a while since. Odd. Pain in my ass. You all needed to know -- in case you find where I can get one.

Update: One of the places I asked about this said they may start making them because they confirmed NO ONE ELSE DOES. No shit. But I may be able to get one in a few weeks. That would be cooooooool.

OCD can be fun...

2006-04-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

Felt the need to clarify my last two posts by adding some links and facts... Everyone should know about hockey. There is only one sport... everything else is just shades of hockey.

More insomnia. Bad timing.

2006-04-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

Nothing sadder than a lonely blog. Say "hi."

Oh... my... whaaaa... ? This amuses. I'm a geek.

Came across a blog of naked asian women. Figured I wouldn't link to that, but ... it's out there...

Why are so many women's blogs about their crappy relationships?

This game is almost over... Go Turco! The rest of you cup-stealing stars can eat shit until you choke to death and die. Give that cup back to Hasek, you fuckers. Hull and his crease-violating skate... chop that damn leg OFF next time. Sorry... flashbacks.

I hate coming across what looks like an interesting blog in a language I can't read...

I get up in 4 hrs and 15 minutes. I need some sleep...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOBODY wanted a piece of this...

2006-04-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

There is only one sport. Everything else is just shades of hockey.

How the hell do you pick a team with a cream of the crop keeper (and has won 11 straight) to lose a series in game 7 to a team that limped into the playoffs by losing 5 games and then their best player?

Martin Brodeur is the greatest goalie ever. He's going to re-write the records, despite being in the new "high scoring rules" period of the league. Bite me, Roy.

It is the rare team that returns from three games down to win a series. One was the devils in '04. Hard in any sport. REALLY hard in hockey, where you ram into each other at 30+ mph for hours at a time.

I like the Devils. Can you tell?

More from the reclusive compound in the woods...

2006-04-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

Shorn alpacas are doofy looking. You almost have to feel sorry for them...

In the morning I go out to look at my fruit trees. I get to see cool things like this... DAMN FREELOADER KILLING MY CHERRIES!!!

Forget hay... roll in THIS:
All kidding aside, I actually ended up in the hospital because of the poison ivy. I was cutting the vines out a tree and didn't realize what it was. I swelled up everywhere and turned red and had to take 'roids and all. Should have used that as an opportunity to lift like a madman...

Got a SERIOUS infestation problem with this janks -- 40 year old vines like 5 inches in diameter. Insane. I'm on wellwater so I'm not a fan of chemicals, but notwithstanding that, these motherfuckers are about to get a nice genegineering bath. Buy stock in Roundup and Bush-B-Gone, kiddies...

Supermegalawfirm

2006-04-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I responded to the formal offer with a formal non-mirror acceptance... I need a later start date. I may soon be a hired gun. Wheeeee... I still can't get over what they want to PAY me. Craziness.

They asked if I would consider doing federal appellate cases on Court appointment. I was like "You're going to pay me 5th-6th year salary to do pro-bono work? Are you on CRACK!?!?!?!"

Bugland

2006-04-25T18:33:00.000-07:00

I mowed some of my lawn today. My lawn is about 1.75 acres. Imagine every lawn you ever mowed in your life all at once. With a push-mower. It's a lot of lawn.

The caterpillars are out. They eat my pear and cherry trees. They get in the tomatoes. They congregate on the front porch. The lazy, freeloading bastards. I try not to step on them, but they eat the welcome mat too, and they're hard to see there. Stupid bugs.

The slugs came out for the rain. They leave neat slime trails.

Paper wasps abound. They really seem to enjoy my company.

HOOOOOLY SHIT!!!

2006-04-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

I can't believe anyone does that so avidly.

I can't believe anyone is interested in someone who does that so avidly.

I can't believe anyone wrote about anyone who does that so avidly.

I used to haunt her old blog, and I was dumbfounded when she started that site.

To each his... her... their own... pursuits. Clothing, not so much... apparently.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

2006-04-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

No cancer. Now what? That is a heavily loaded question...

Happy Birthday to me...

2006-04-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

My birthday was weeks ago BUT for some reason my friend's 4 year old demanded that he be able to call me and say "Happy Birthday" to me... today. I don't know why I'm so entertained by that, but I am highly entertained. I'm sort of the eldest brother in that family, and I was over there helping them move and playing with the kids yesterday, so that's probably where it came from, but still, it's sort of cool when kids think you're important.

Where the fuck IS everyone? I'm trying to procrastinate in preparation for a two day jury that I can't win as a matter of law, but I can't find anyone. My local friends are all awol, my far away friends are all awol. The online people I harass are all awol. WTF? I may have to actually do some work...

The interesting week continues.

2006-04-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

If I could ever stop having interesting things happen to me, I could get to the older things I intended to get to. Alas:

Yesterday I gave blood. The first thing they tell me afterwards, because I nearly pass out every time is "Don't do any heavy lifting for the next three days or so." So today I helped a friend move. They don't bring me along for my stunning looks and sparkling personality, so I was the heavy lifter. These people own a lot of books...

On the way back I stopped to buy some gaming stuff (I'm a geek, and hordes just came out), and there was this single car accident (it was raining), at a really, really bad interchange ramp. The guy's truck hit the concrete wall in a slide and spun around, and it was halfway up the wall. I stopped to make sure things were alright. Cars come off that interchange at 70-80 miles per hour (it's a 45 mph ramp), and we were on the downhill, inside curve part, so we stepped a bit down the ramp. Cars were nearly crashing into the truck and each other, so I got a bag of trash from another truck that stopped and put it at the edge of the road farther up. Then someone hit the trash and it ended up in the middle of the road. Then people started to swerve TO THE LEFT of the trash. Then someone swerved, the guy behind them swerved too much, and we had a second accident. Finally, after 45 minutes, the state police showed up. The moron didn't park his car at the crest of the hill, but just behind the truck. He tried to lay flares, but it was raining and people were speeding, so they just all went out. I pointed this out to him, but he wouldn't move his car. Then he told me to leave, so I did (it was still raining and I was soaked). I'm waiting to find out they all got killed by some car careening at 80 miles per hour into one or another of the cars.

Moral of the story: drive safely, don't expect the police to save you, and always have flares in your car.

One quart low...

2006-04-21T14:45:00.000-07:00

Gave blood today. Had a friend whose father was a hemophiliac and died of AIDS from a transfusion, and she got me started -- I hate needles. Then I got into a car accident and received blood products, so they wouldn't let me give. This scared the shit out of me, so I quit for a long time. I almost always get really sick or nearly pass out. I tell myself I'm never going to do it again, and then I do it.

It saves lives
Other people need it more than me
Humans are designed to bloodlet periodically. It's good for the system.
I quite probably will need some someday -- might as well be my own.
I've needed it several times before.
Like most things in my life, it scores brownie points
It makes it really easy to get caffeinated/drunk
Like a lot of things in my life, it's a habit that started with a girl

Everyone should give blood for at least some of those reasons right there.

A dangerous post

2006-04-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

This may come dangerously close to costing me anonymity, but it's such a great story:

I am a defense attorney, in a REALLY REALLY bad, pro-prosecution jurisdiction. I had a case today involving a guy who was charged with, among other things, felony obstruction (involving force or threat) and felony a&b on a leo (law enforcement officer). The officer in question is this 6'7" 270 pound ape (not much exaggeration there either. Nice enough guy, but super-massive corn-fed midwesterner type). The "force" in this case came from a scuffle where ape grabbed my client's hand because it kept going into his pocket (there's a little more after that, but that's the gist of why the grabbing happened). During the scuffle, ape got some scratches on his hand (hence the a&b and felony obstruction). He kept using the term "assisted the defendant to the ground," which is cop-talk, for "I body slammed the mother-fucker."

Ape (I use "ape" as descriptive, not pejorative) and I danced for a while [non-literal re-enactment]:
Me: So you threw him on the ground?
Ape: No, I assisted him to the ground.
Me: You're saying you gently lay him on the ground?
Ape: No, I assisted him to the ground.
Me: Describe that.
Ape: I put my arms around him, brought him around to my side, over my leg and onto the ground.
Me: And then you fell on him?
Ape: No, I assisted him to the ground
[etc., repeat at least 4x]

I've taken martial arts for some time. I was a varsity wrestler. I know what happened here, so finally I got frustrated.

Me: Show me
Ape: What
Me: Demonstrate.
Prosecutor: objection, this is irrelevant.
Me: Judge, they're claiming my guy assaulted him. I'm entitled to show the injuries probably came from "assisting my client to the ground" on an asphalt road.
Judge: I find that it's relevant.

There were some other bits -- I said something like, "I didn't really intend you to use ME as the dummy..."

So, from behind, in the middle of the Courtroom, with a packed gallery, Ape grabbed my right wrist, locked his left arm around me, swung me violently 360 degrees around, levering me over his leg, and fell on top of me on the floor. I'm about 5'8" tall, about 186 pounds (I've lost a lot of muscle mass for lack of time to lift. That will change in a few weeks...)

After we hit the ground I said, "Thank you for proving my point." My client, the Courtroom, everyone, was either giggling uncontrollably, or shocked into silence. That officer will never get away with using the term "assisted to the ground" in that courtroom again.

I then argued that the stop was bad, but that even if that weren't the case, there was no indication of my client attempting to harmfully touch or place the officer in fear of a touch, and therefore no a&b. The prosecutor conceded the point and the a&b went away. There was some argument on the obstruction, which is a poorly written statute, but that one, and some other charges I didn't mention, got certified.

They will talk about that preliminary hearing in that County for decades.

It has begun...

2006-04-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

Got my offer letter from supermegalawfirm. Haven't actually read it yet, but I did look at the dress code. I have to wear a suit every day. Gak. I'll be keeping those jeans and workboots in the car a lot...

They think I'm starting two weeks before my current job wants to let me go... Boy, will they be surprised. Which "they" I haven't decided yet...

Wow. It's a fairly significant raise... Then it hits me. Wow.

Into the unknown.

Did not hear from ms. prospective cancer, despite leaving messages. Not cool.

20some cases today, in court until after 5. Tomorrow has almost 30 cases. Gonna suck. Impending jury trials in huge numbers. Glad to be leaving that place already...

Tip the forty for my dead homies

2006-04-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

RIP tres-chicas.blogspot.com

I used to have fun there. Good luck to them. I know lauri still does foundclothing.blogspot.com, the concept of which creeps me out. Ick.

I said it before, so I say again: the death of blogs is sad and depressing. It's like people outgrow them, only sometimes you know the people only through the blog, and you don't know what happened to them once they kill it. Or abandon it...

One happy egg...

2006-04-18T02:57:00.000-07:00

I have friends with two small kids -- about four and about 2. I used to live in their house, so I am sort of like the older brother. On Easter, the grandparents, who were supposed to hide the eggs, were otherwise disposed, so the father and I had to go hunt plastic eggs at 11:30 so that we could hide them. Jewish guy looking for easter eggs on easter. We hid the eggs ("hiding" is a relative term for a 2 and 4 year old). Yay.

I told the 4 year old that if he took all the eggs he would be contributing to the extinction of the easter bunny. He looked at me blankly.

Where to start...?

2006-04-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

Since everyone else is having their little crises right now:

A few weeks ago I had a life-altering event. So for three weeks after that I didn't do anything particularly strange, but felt better about a few things. Then, about 2 or 3 days before my birthday the woman featured prominently in that post called to say "happy birthday." First, I have a really easy to remember birthday, and I knew she knew when my birthday was, and this wasn't it. So I figured this was odd. Then, she was sort of distant and evasive, which would have been understandable after one conversation in 5 years, but she didn't hang up -- despite repeatedly indicating she was about to. So I did what any curious person would do... I pried. Not all at once, but slowly. Stick-and-move style. After a while she just sort of blurted out, "I had some tests and I may have cancer, I have to get biopsied next week."

Wow. remember all that stuff from that other post? I wavered on a few things. So that conversation lasted about 2.5 hours. The one the next day was more than an hour. As was the one the day after that. And the day after that. Then a few days after that, and about every two or three days there's been another fairly long conversation. And email.

You may not have noticed, but I'm not generally considered the most sensitive, compassionate guy. I could not imagine, and can barely believe, first that -I- got the phone call in this situation, and second, that I seem to have fielded it pretty well. I must have said "It will be ok," and "You'll be fine," and "You'll work it out" 300 times each. Beyond that, I was, and still am (though perhaps less so) comfortable with my conclusions from before. I feel a little bad about the "finding out she's a mess" bit, particularly because, at least for the first few days of crying, she was. I'm a little confused by the mixed messages; not that I've got expectations, but how much do you really want to hear about someone's sex life, relationships, relationship with ex-boyfriends, dating, co-workers, neighborhood, job, cats, mother, brother, etc. If I wanted all that I'd hang out at people's blogs. Even so, and despite myself, I care, so I'll quit whining and continue to take up the odd role of "shoulder to cry on."

... and I'm expecting a phone call...

So much... so little...

2006-04-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

So much to blog about. So little ability to sleep.

I'm currently playing blogtag with someone, and I have some things I'd like to blog about, but I'm in a foul mood and it won't come out right.

SOOOO, expect pictures of the wierdness of my parents' home (there's a statue of kissing one's own but. No shit, really...), ranting about family... yeah, and hopefully I will have some closure and can tell you about a friend's (hopefully) negative cancer tests.

I can't make this shit up...

2006-04-14T14:41:00.000-07:00

I went to my parents' house this week for pesach. No shit, here is an actual, unadulterated picture of part of the entertainment center video selection--nothing altered or moved at all:

Note the exercise video on the far left, with the disney movies and then, THE DEATH CAMPS, a documentary about Nazi Germany.

Oh, and just for S&G's, my sister's pajamas:For those who can't see it clearly, "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them".

I can't make this shit up...